THE APPLE DUMPLING GANG (1975)

Set back in the Old West days, THE APPLE DUMPLING GANG is about a traveling gambler (Bill Bixby) who inadvertently gets saddled with three annoying punk kids. I hate them. And everybody in town hates them also. That is…until the kids discover a huge chunk of gold! Now suddenly everybody wants to adopt these annoying (and wealthy) fucks. At the same time, two bumbling idiots (Don Knotts and Tim Conway) devise several goofy ideas to steal the gold.

Tim Conway and Don Knotts are by far the best part of the movie. Their stupid shenanigans are kinda funny, but not really. When they were on screen, I was amused. When they weren’t, I was not amused and struggled to pay attention to the run-of-the-mill story.

So, should you watch these apple dumpling motherfuckers? Ehhh. If you were born after 1980, then probably not. It’s pretty dated. But for fans of older cinema, it was a treat to see so many familiar faces like Slim Pickens, Harry Morgan, Susan Clark and John McGiver hamming it up in a light-hearted kids movie. Medium pace, a few mildly funny jokes, simple story. THE APPLE DUMPLING GANG is an okay lazy afternoon time-waster. But, if you’re looking for some classic Conway-Knotts hijinks then check out THE PRIVATE EYES. I’ve seen that fucker like 50 times and I still crack up at the bullshit they get up to in that movie. “She’s gone! She’s gooooonnne!!!”

Part 2 - The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again (1979)