MY SOUL TO TAKE (2010)

Alright, see if you can follow this (because I barely could): a guy unknowingly has multiple personalities, one of them being local serial killer "The Riverton Ripper". When he accidentally discovers that he's The Ripper he goes bonkers, kills his pregnant wife and is in the act of attacking his young daughter when the coppers bust in and shoot him. Stuff happens and while he's being transported to the hospital he stabs an EMT in the neck, causing the ambulance to wreck and explode.  His body is never found. Within the hour, 7 babies are born at the local hospital and then sixteen years later on their sixteenth birthday the "Riverton 7" start getting killed off one at a time. Could the culprit be The Riverton Ripper? A reincarnated soul?  Somebody else completely? A wookalar? Or maybe The Ripper's ghost returning to haunt/possess/murder the seven teenagers?

If MSTT was made by a first-time director I might be a little more forgiving, but seeing how it was written, produced and directed by horror legend Wes Craven who's been in the business since 1971, I can't help but be disappointed at how amateurish the whole thing felt. I didn't hate the film, but that's not saying much or even an accurate statement because there isn't much happening in MYTT to hate. It's literally too bland to even make a critical judgement about. There isn't one single original idea in the entire movie; the story is ancient; we never even get a clear shot at the killer (he appears to be a large, scruffier version of Rob Zombie); the characters are all bland stereotypes we've already seen a million times before (lonely nerd, abusive jock, power-hungry preppy; prude prayer chick, etc.) and with almost zero violence, gore, blood or nudity I don't even know what Wes was thinking the audience would be entertained by!  The chick with the dark hair was attractive though.

Not face-punchingly bad, just boring and formulaic. Skip it with a vengeance...or watch it to make fun of.

SCREAM 4 (2011)

Eleven years of peaceful life for Sidney Prescott comes to a sudden end when, on the 15th anniversary of the original Woodsboro murders, two high school students are stabbed to death. Evidence is found in Sidney's car and suddenly she's a suspect. Deputy Dewey, now Sheriff Dewey, isn't falling for this bullshit and starts a full investigation. His wife, investigative reporter Gale Weathers, is heading up her own investigation and even enlists the help of some high school students/film nerds who talk too much.

As usual, various unimportant characters are stabbed to death and in the end, lots of running around and talking nonstop culminate in the killer revealing himself/herself/themselves and then lecturing the Final Girl until I start yelling "Hurry the fuck up!" at the TV . Thing is, despite the overload of cultural references (I'm sure those Facebook and Twitter comments will make about as much sense in 40 years as "rabbit test" does right now) and annoying characters I liked this movie better than the two previous sequels, but then again that's not saying much. Entertaining watch, but I was really disappointed in how this movie was just another rehash of the original. I was really hoping that in the last decade they could have at least written something fresh that would shock the audience. But I guess not.

Zero tits, moderate blood, SHAWN OF THE DEAD on TV, minor gore, slow pace.  Same shit, different decade.

Part 1 - Scream (1996)
Part 2 - Scream 2 (1997)
Part 3 - Scream 4 (2000)
Part 5 - Scream (2022)
Part 6 - Scream VI (2023)

SCREAM 3 (2000)

Yep, they're beating a dead horse with this one. Sidney is now in hiding and in an attempt to draw her out a copycat Ghostface is killing the actors of the film-within-a-film STAB 3, which is currently in production. Yawn.  Why the fuck does this story have to be so complicated?  Despite six returning characters from the original film and an impressive cast of new characters (Lance Henriksen, Roger Corman, Parker Posey, Emily Mortimer, Patrick Warburton) SCREAM 3 is a snoozer that wouldn't please even the most forgiving of horror fans.

The surprise ending is telegraphed a million miles away, zero tits, stupid kills, zero gore, very little blood, lazy script filled with unfunny (and unneeded) jokes like a cameo by Jay and Silent Bob (Hahaha...so funny.), a cameo by Carrie Fisher where she references Princess Leia (Oh man that's hilarious!) and a Terminator-like statue in Lance Henriksen's office (ho-ho!  What a knee-slapper!). Honestly, I can't think of a single reason to watch this. I was actually looking forward to reviewing the SCREAM series, but this energy vampire turd sucked all the excitement out of me.

Part 1 - Scream (1996)
Part 2 - Scream 2 (1997)
Part 4 - Scream 4 (2011)
Part 5 - Scream (2022)
Part 6 - Scream VI (2023)