BLACK ROSES (1988)

The rock band Black Roses is planning a concert in the small Footloose-style town of Mill Basin.  The parents are up in an uproar, so they chaperone their (thirty-year-old) teenagers to the show, but once the band starts playing some weak, cheesedick power ballet they decide these guys are such a group of raging pussies that they can't possibly be a murderous pack of demons out to turn their kids into sex-crazed serial killers.  They leave and literally one second after the door closes, the lights go out and BAM! the lead singer is wearing a leather leotard/onesie with fucking cheetah fur on his crotch! Fuck yeah!!! The band immediately charges into a pathetic 12th rate hair metal rocker that, I guess, is suppose to be evil.

Fast forward a little bit and the teenagers are killing their parents, murdering the high school principal, littering and even necking in public! Full-time poetry teacher/part-time Tom Selleck impersonator, Mr. Moorhouse, has had enough of this bullshit, so he kicks the lead singer in the round tables then lights the band on fire. It's awesome.

If you're looking for a serious horror movie then skip it, but if you want something you can laugh at then BLACK ROSES fits the bill. I laughed until my buttcheeks hurt. From an artistic viewpoint, the movie isn't bad either.  Straightforward story, pearl necklaces, glowing demon hand, quick pace, goofy songs, four topless scenes, demon getting kicked in the demon nuts, Julie Adams, a DAWN OF THE DEAD poster, a SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE poster, an Iron Maiden shirt, a GOLDEN NEEDLES poster, an INNER SPACE poster, a LIPPS & McCAIN poster, demon choking on a tennis ball, two Lamborghini's, a TRANSYLVANIA 6-5000 poster, fog machine, a Cro-Mags shirt, forum, forum, forum!

Recommended for fans of badass cheese horror.

SHREDDER (2003)

Booorrring. I don't even know how a film like this gets financed.  The story, as best as I can tell, is about a cursed ski lodge.  Apparently a few years ago, some drunk snowboarders accidentally killed a young girl by causing her to crash into a tree.  Because of this, the ski lodge closed down.  But now a new batch of snowboarders have broken in and are using the joint as their own private amusement park.  That is until some skiing person in all black starts killing them off in boring, off-camera ways.

Preposterous story, painfully bad dialogue, terrible music, off-camera kills, amateur camerawork, zero gore, low blood, badly photographed nudity, annoying characters you wanted to beat to death, illogical ending.  Outside of making fun of it, I cannot think of a single reason anybody should watch this lame turkey.  Skip it with a vengeance.