THE ENGLISHMAN WHO WENT UP A HILL BUT CAME DOWN A MOUNTAIN (1995)

Not to be confused with The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Human Centipede, THE ENGLISHMAN WHO WENT UP A HILL BUT CAME DOWN A MOUNTAIN is the delightful fictional story of two English cartographers (Hugh Grant and Ian McNeice) who, in 1917, travel to the small village of Ffynnon Garw (in Wales) to measure a large hill. The hill is a matter of great pride to the local residents who proudly boast that the hill is the “first mountain in Wales”. Grant and McNeice regretfully inform them that the hill must first measure taller than 1,000 feet before it can officially be declared a mountain. This sets off an stirring series of events that will change the lives those involved forever.

As far as the “simple life in a small country village” subgenre goes, TEWWUAHBCDAM is pretty good. It has a strong cast and a fantastic story idea, but at the end of the day, it’s still lacking. Mainly due to the shoehorned romantic subplot that seems extremely forced. It also doesn’t help that the female love interest (for Grant’s character) isn’t even introduced until 43 minutes into the movie! (Remember: the end credits start at 93 minutes.) Also, while Tara Fitzgerald is a fine actress, her character has very little to work with here.  It's almost like the romance subplot was tossed in at the last moment. TEWWUAHBCDAM would have been better if either...the romantic stuff was dropped completely and replaced with more of the funny adventures of the villagers trying to prevent the cartographers from leaving (which I though was the highlight of the film) or beefed up and introduced much earlier in the story. That complaint shouldn’t keep you from watching the film though. As it is, THE ENGLISHMAN WHO WENT UP A HILL BUT CAME DOWN A MOUNTAIN is still a delightful little film that will brighten your day.

A few other things of note: (1) The standout performance by Kenneth Griffith as the local Reverend who got himself in the middle of everything. He was goddamn fantastic and stole every scene he was in. (2) The lack of screentime for Ian McNeice. He’s a great actor and his character was interesting. Not sure why he didn’t have a bigger role. (3) The landscape in this film was absolutely gorgeous. (4) There should totally be a remake of this film. Maybe with Martin Clunes and Ian McNeice as the two cartographers? That'd be funny for us Doc Martin fans.

THEY LIVE (1988)

"They are dismantling the sleeping middle class. More and more people are becoming poor. We are their cattle. We are being bred for slavery."

Los Angeles, California.  A homeless guy (who somehow still manages to consume enough protein and steroids to look like pro wrestler Roddy Piper) finds a pair of sunglasses that reveal that the entire world is actually full of subliminal messages instructing the mindless masses to Consume, Obey, Conform and stuff like that.  They also reveal that some people (mostly those in power) are actually funky-looking aliens with faces that look like they "fell in the cheese dip back in 1957."  Now a level-headed person, if placed in the same situation, would probably keep this to themselves and investigate the situation for awhile, but no...not this guy.  Careful contemplation is not his style.  Within a few minutes of his discovery, he's yelling "...formaldehyde-face!" at a woman in a store and then straight up murdering aliens in a bank with a shotgun.  Naturally, this puts him on the aliens most wanted list.

For an older sci-fi film, THEY LIVE is still entertaining.  It's definitely watchable...medium pace, okay special effects, mediocre acting, a few memorable quotes ("I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass.  And I'm all out of bubble gum." being the most famous), a ridiculously long fight scene between the two leads (that had me rolling with laughter as a kid), brief topless scene, cool Los Angeles locations...but revisiting the film nowadays, THEY LIVE hasn't aged well.  And not all of it is the fault of the film itself.  The story, which is just a thinly veiled attack on Reaganomics, now comes off as simplistic and honestly depressing.  A few other things are...(1) there's simply not enough to the story itself, it could have easily been trimmed down to fit into an anthology collection or television show.  Or even better, beefed up to fill the entire 94-minute runtime.  (2) the ending is too abrupt and not satisfying.  (3) Roddy Piper.  He does an alright job, but his role would have been better filled by Kurt Russell.  Then again, this is all just my worthless opinion.

That said, THEY LIVE might be a little too cheesy for its own good, but it's still a fun 1980's John Carpenter outing and totally worth checking out. At this point, I'd enjoy seeing a serious remake. Maybe even one where the glasses aren't real and the main character is just insane.

Question (that's not part of the review): The nods to GHOSTBUSTERS and THE MONOLITH MONSTERS are obvious, but is the Uneeda Biscuit box in the hotel room a nod to Uneeda Medical Supply in THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD?

Question 2: Is that old dude in the hotel lobby the same guy from Metallica's "Enter Sandman" video?  That video was filmed only three years later in Los Angeles.