FRANCIS GOES TO WEST POINT (1952)

"Drop dead."

After literally murdering people together in part 1 and then nearly being fitted for “cement slippers” while taking on the mob in part 2, wise ass Francis the shit-talking mule and dim-witted Peter Stirling (Donald O’Connor) appear to be living a quiet life in an unnamed city. Peter works at a factory (doing what, I have no fucking clue) while Francis goes around town ease dropping on people. One tidbit of info he hears is that some Uncle Sam haters are going to blow up the factory Peter works at. Francis tells Peter and Peter somehow saves the day, despite being a dumbfuck. As a reward, twenty-six year-old Peter is accepted into West Point military academy. Naturally, Francis shows up and becomes a school mascot, an assistant football coach and a French language tutor. He's even offered a job as a professor at one point! Along the way there’s some kind of mistaken ID bullshit going around (thanks to Peter illegally reading other people’s mail) that might cause West Point to lose the Army-Navy football game.

As far as the Francis films go, WEST POINT is alright. I enjoyed the quick pace, the interesting faces (including James Best and David Janssen as upperclassmen) and the neat old footage of the actual West Point, but once again I was depressed at how easily Francis and Peter accept leaving each other. It happened a few times in this film and really bummed me out. I was also disappointed in how cheap the whole thing looked. All of the scenes set outside on the West Point campus looked to be filmed in front of a screen. I don’t know why, but I was kinda looking forward to scenes of Peter and Francis running around the West Point grounds together. Maybe trying to solve a murder or tract down a werewolf or bust an illegal moonshine ring ran by witches! Anything. How about some illegal DVD bootleggers from the early 2000’s time travel back to West Point in order to hide their stash, but then a freshman plebe finds a copy of COOL AS ICE and starts telling everybody he’s gonna “uh, schling a schlong” and about how his homeboy’s bike is trippin. So now Francis and Peter have gotta stop being zeroes and start being heroes in order to save the day. Hyfgcv oikl [My cat, Charlie, just stepped on the keyboard while trying to get my attention, so I’m leaving that in.]

Alright, well, I do have more to say, but Charlie wants to play, so I gotta go. Nobody reads this shit anyway. But yeah, it’s a silly film. I enjoyed it. It was a lot of fun to yell at the TV while watching.  I think I talked shit the entire movie.

Part 1 - Francis (1950)
Part 2 - Francis Goes to the Races (1951)
Part 4 - Francis Covers the Big Town (1953)
Part 5 - Francis Joins the WACS (1954)
Part 6 - Francis in the Navy (1955)
Part 7 - Francis in the Haunted House (1956)

BLOODY MISTAKE (2009)

A woman has an abortion.  Seven months later an older dude flirts with her. So now, before you can say "Richard is Pointing at Gillian's Dods." she ends up pregnant again.  While sitting out on the street crying about how the dude dumped her, yet another older dude walks up out of nowhere and offers to marry her since his 6 previous wives could not have children. Next, three people murder a guy with hairy ears. Then a drunk dude brings home his drunk buddy. The drunk dude’s mother has a friend who likes to bang younger dudes. So, the mom gives her son’s buddy some credits for his phone. Around this same time, a younger woman’s car breaks down; a guy talks to himself while wearing upside-down sunglasses and a young woman promises her mother that she will not lose her virginity again. In other words, it’s fucking awesome! Oh yeah, another scene I loved was a guy was at his mother’s house eating dinner when he tells his mother that he wants to introduce his mom to his fiancée…who is already sitting at the table eating! Like how do you introduce somebody to another person mid-meal inside their own house? Fucking classic!

I have zero point zero information about BLOODY MISTAKE and I’m not even sure that is the real title of the movie. I tried to Google it and found nothing, so the only information I have is the DVD and the copyright date on the case. If I’m wrong about anything, please tell me and I’ll correct it. I also have what is labeled parts 2, 3 and 4, but I’m too busy re-watching part 1 to move onto those just yet.

Anyway, I cannot share any info about the film credentials, but as far as entertainment goes…I was in movie heaven! I was also pleasantly surprised about how good the acting was. I was especially impressed by the mother of the main dude. She was great! I also enjoyed the rapid fire pace, the interesting locations and, well, everything. I’m sure some people might dismiss this film for whatever reasons, but, in my extremely depressed state, I found it to be highly entertaining.