Thursday, September 5, 2013

MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE (1986)

I remember reading Stephen King's short story "Trucks" (feature in the Night Shift collection) many years ago and it only being about actual large vehicles (18-wheelers, bulldozers, etc.) coming to life and crushing people.  This movie though, adapted to the screen and directed by King himself, has all kinds of different machines coming alive.  Everything from a foul-mouthed ATM to a gas pump and a soda-shooting Coke machine.

Like in the short story, the main action takes place as a secluded truck stop along the side of a now deserted highway.  Fry cook Emilio Estevez's crappy day gets even crappier when an electric carver attacks a co-worker and then some trucks start running people down.  Eventually survivors start gathering at the truck stop for safety and are put to work (by a bulldozer and a military machine gun vehicle) pumping gas into a long line of thirsty trucks.  Throughout all this there's a few various events shown, like a steamroller running down a kid, a drawbridge going berserk and an ATM machine telling Stephen King he's an asshole.

As a horror movie, MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE is a total failure, but as entertainment it's not too bad.  The idea of machines coming to life is compelling and the characters are interesting.  A little blood, zero gore, zero nudity, 80's clothing, AC/DC music, explosions, cheap gas, an alright pace that kinda runs out of steam towards the end.  With a bigger budget, tighter script and a more experienced director MO might have been awesome, but as it is it's still a fun time-waster.
I A-B Repeated this dude yelling "What the fuck's going on in here?!" until tears were streaming down my handsome cheeks.

Friday, August 30, 2013

FRIDAY THE 13TH (2009)

Blah, blah, blah...a bunch of years ago Jason's mom, campers, drown, decapitated...blah.  So now some annoying weedsmokers come along, go camping and talk about stupid shit.  Jason kills them in boring ways while lens flares shoot off like it's the Fourth of July.  Fast-forward six months and another, maybe even more annoying, group of douchers show up to par-tay.  There's also a handsome, sulky guy on a motorcycle looking for his missing sister.  Once again, Jason shows up and kills a bunch of people.  The End.

When I sat down to watch this I figured it was going to piss me off, but luckily it was too soulless to anger me.  Instead of getting upset I just kinda sat there in a daze wondering how much time it must have taken Jason to dig all of those tunnels and then wire them with electricity and booby traps.

Forgettable kills, Jason looks stupid, Danielle Panabaker looking hot, zero gore, very little blood, bonerless tits, Jason the electrician, lens flares, annoying dialogue, binge drinking, weed.  Better than that JASON GOES TO HELL, but it's still a weak cash grab.  Skip it.

Part 1 - Friday the 13th (1980)
Part 2 - Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)
Part 3 - Friday the 13th Part III (1982)
Part 4 - Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)
Part 5 - Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)
Part 6 - Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)
Part 7 - Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)
Part 8 - Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
Part 9 - The Final Friday: Jason Goes to Hell (1993)
Part 10 - Jason X (2001)
Freddy vs Jason (2003)

EVERY GIRL SHOULD BE MARRIED (1948)

Poor Cary Grant.  He's a simple bachelor who just wants to be left alone to his simple life, but oh no!  Once Betsy Drake gets a look at him at the local drug store she begins stalking him.  Literally stalking him.  She initially flirts with him at the store, but he's not interested so she goes to his work, then looks up everything she possibly can about him all the way back to his old yearbooks!  Next she starts showing up at his favorite restaurants.  During one of these restaurant stalking outings she talks to him and leads him to believe that she has a boyfriend in an attempt to make him jealous (he's not), but then the lie backfires when the guy she says she's dating shows up and tries to rape her!!!  Not at the restaurant, but at his house.  In exchange for not calling the cops about the attempted sexual assault (she got away by bashing him in the skull with a shovel and escaping over a fence) he gives her a job in the basement of his store.  What a guy.  Things go on like this for the rest of the movie with Betsy badgering the living hell out of Grant nonstop and even continuing the fake boyfriend charade with the pervert dude and yet another guy! 

I guess the writers found all of this to be very funny (and maybe I'm looking into the story too much) but I found the whole thing depressing.  Poor Grant can't have a moments peace and Betsy, who is clearly mentally deranged, repeatedly places herself in dangerous situations in delusional attempts to get Grant's attention.  If the roles had been reversed and it was a male stalking a female all over the joint he would have been thrown in jail.

Watch if you want, but if want my advise: skip it.  If you need me I'll be in my room watching BRINGING UP BABY.