MA AND PA KETTLE GO TO TOWN (1950)

After winning a brand new house in part 2, Pa Kettle now wins an all-expenses paid trip to New York City for him and Ma. Problem is they can’t find anybody to babysit their 15 hellspawn. Fortune raises its head though once again when Pa bumps into a fleeing bank robber (Charles McGraw) who agrees to babysit the children. The only thing the bank robber wants in exchange is for Pa to give an “empty” bag to his brother in NYC. The bag actually holds 50,000 clams, 49,997 cabbages and 3 duckets. All kinds of wacky things happen next.

MA AND PA KETTLE GO TO TOWN holds up surprisingly well for its age. It’s also surprising just how much is packed into its 79-minute runtime! I mean there is all kinds of non-stop stuff being added to the story and even more impressive is…all of it is funny. One gag that cracked me up was when Pa was at the top of a skyscraper and he pours a cup of water off the side to see how long it would take to get to the bottom. Later on, him and Ma are walking down the sidewalk when the water hits Pa in the head and he remarks that it took longer that he thought. Haha. What the fuck is that joke? Classic. I also got a kick at out of how psychotic the children were. They were like fucking Jigsaw to everybody. They tricked one guy into scrubbing his face with sandpaper. They kidnapped two cops then tied them up and tried to kill them in a bonfire and another dude they bound upside-down and were about to dunk his head into a pot of boiling water!

Super-fast pace, tons of great jokes, strong cast, awesome vintage NYC sights, fun story. MAPKGTT might not be the kind of movie you can watch over and over, but for the occasional visit, it's a lot of fun.  I also really enjoyed seeing the normally serious Charles McGraw in a comical role.

Part 1 - The Egg and I (1947)
Part 2 - Ma and Pa Kettle (1949)
Part 4 - Ma and Pa Kettle Back on the Farm (1951)
Part 5 - Ma and Pa Kettle at the Fair (1952)
Part 6 - Ma and Pa Kettle on Vacation (1953)
Part 7 - Ma and Pa Kettle at Home (1954)
Part 8 - Ma and Pa Kettle at Waikiki (1955)
Part 9 - The Kettles in the Ozarks (1956)
Part 10 - The Kettles on Old MacDonald's Farm (1957)

THE CHINESE TYPEWRITER (1979)

A bad guy steals an airliner by simply flying off in it. The owner hires two detectives, Tom Selleck and James Whitmore, Jr., (or “Whitemore” as that one newspaper clipping shown below says) to get it back. Boring stuff happens and our heroes come up with a plan to say they have a bogus blueprint for a “Chinese typewriter”. What the fuck? I watched the entire movie and I still don't understand the story.

The only reason this unsold pilot even has a minor footnote in movie history is it has a few connections to the 1980’s television program “Magnum, P.I.” As a fan of that show, I thought it’d be fun to check out THE CHINESE TYPEWRITER. Wrong. While I do understand my thinking from a few hours ago…the reality has been nothing but pain and boredom. I wish I knew karate so I could dropkick this smelly DVD into a tree shredder.

Lifeless acting, underdeveloped (and boring) characters, weak action scenes, unfunny humor (I’m talking Nikki Glaser-level antifunny), needlessly confusing story, bland camerawork, a newspaper featuring a reversed photograph from a scene that takes place later in the movie (what is this LADY TERMINATOR? Or the TV-edit of EARTHQUAKE?), slow pace, multiple annoying usages of the term “percentage play”, wasted scenery.

The few connections to Magnum are interesting (I guess), but not worth wasting the 77 minutes it takes to watch this turkey. The most unusual is a small cutscene of a beachside shower that was later used in a Season 1 episode of Magnum. That was just odd.