HOP-A-LONG CASSIDY (1935)

Made just a few years after the publication of Dashiell Hammett’s (excellent) “Red Harvest” and 26 years before the release of Akira Kurosawa’s (also excellent) YOJIMBO, HOP-A-LONG CASSIDY tells a very familiar story of a dude (in this case the bad guy, not the good guy) playing two ranch gangs against each other in a convoluted range war created by him performing terroristic acts against both sides. Enter into this shitstorm is one Bill Cassidy. He’s a cool dude with a gigantic hat and a calm demeanor. If the brewing storm of the range war wasn’t enough Cassidy also has to deal with a new guy who’s got more balls than brains. In fact, it’s at a hanging party for the new guy where Cassidy gets shot in the leg and develops his signature hop. Naturally, there’s also a young woman involved.

I went into this film not really expecting much, but for being made in 1935 I was thoroughly impressed by the maturity of the story and the professionalism of the acting. That one scene with Cassidy and Uncle Ben (you know the one) was fucking excellent. I’m over here getting all teared up over a 90 year old Western. Anyway, yeah some of the dialogue was goofy, but what do I know, maybe motherfuckers really did call each other “galoots” and “mossback” back in the day. I was also amused about how psychotic everybody was in this movie. Fucking shooting at each other nonstop and talking shit. Even shooting at each other as a joke during the middle of an all-out gunfight! What the fuck? I’m over here hiding beneath a water trough while 20 dudes are shooting at me and my pal shoots a hole in the trough so it pours water on my head. Thanks, buddy.

Overall, HOP-A-LONG CASSIDY was much better than I expected and I’m excited to watch the other 65 films in the series. Sixty-five?! Fuck me. My only real complaint was one of the stunts early in the film with a horse falling. I didn’t like that at all and have no clue if the horse was injured or not, but it wasn’t cool and was very upsetting.

There was also an impressive cast full of familiar faces. The two most familiar to me, at least, were George "Gabby" Hayes, who’s been in tons of Westerns and Robert Warwick who played the snobbish Mr. Vance in that excellent scene towards the end of 1937’s THE AWFUL TRUTH. I’ve, no bullshit, seen that movie over 500 times. Anyway, HOP-A-LONG CASSIDY is still a solid Western and worth watching for anybody curious about it. Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.

Part 2 - The Eagle's Brood (1935)
Part 3 - Bar 20 Rides Again (1935)
Part 4 - Call of the Prairie (1936)
Part 5 - Three on the Trail (1936)
Part 6 - Heart of the West (1936)
Part 7 - Hopalong Cassidy Returns (1936)
Part 8 - Trail Dust (1936)
Part 9 - Borderland (1937)
Part 10 - Hills of Old Wyoming (1937)
Part 11 - North of the Rio Grande (1937)
Part 12 - Rustlers' Valley (1937)
Part 13 - Hopalong Rides Again (1937)
Part 14 - Texas Trail (1937)
Part 15 - Partners of the Plains (1938)
Part 16 - Cassidy of Bar 20 (1938)
Part 17 - Heart of Arizona (1938)
Part 18 - Bar 20 Justice (1938)
Part 19 - Pride of the West (1938)
Part 20 - In Old Mexico (1938)
Part 21 - The Frontiersmen (1938)
Part 22 - Sunset Trail (1939)
Part 23 - Silver on the Sage (1939)
Part 24 - Renegade Trail (1939)
Part 25 - Range War (1939)
Part 26 - Law of the Pampas (1939)
Part 27 - Santa Fe Marshal (1940)
Part 28 - The Showdown (1940)
Part 29 - Hidden Gold (1940)
Part 30 - Stagecoach War (1940)
Part 31 - Three Men from Texas (1940)
Part 32 - Doomed Caravan (1941)
Part 33 - In Old Colorado (1941)
Part 34 - Border Vigilantes (1941)
Part 35 - Pirates on Horseback (1941)
Part 36 - Wide Open Town (1941)
Part 37 - Riders of the Timberline (1941)
Part 38 - Stick to Your Guns (1941)
Part 39 - Twilight on the Trail (1941)
Part 40 - Outlaws of the Desert (1941)
Part 41 - Secrets of the Wasteland (1941)
Part 42 - Lost Canyon (1942)
Part 43 - Undercover Man (1942)
Part 44 - Hoppy Serves a Writ (1943)
Part 45 - Border Patrol (1943)
Part 46 - Leather Burners (1943)
Part 47 - Colt Comrades (1943)
Part 48 - Bar 20 (1943)
Part 49 - False Colors (1943)
Part 50 - Riders of the Deadline (1943)
Part 51 - Texas Masquerade (1944)
Part 52 - Lumberjack (1944)
Part 53 - Mystery Man (1944)
Part 54 - Forty Thieves (1944)
Part 55 - The Devil's Playground (1946)
Part 56 - Fool's Gold (1947)
Part 57 - Unexpected Guest (1947)
Part 58 - Dangerous Venture (1947)
Part 59 - The Marauders (1947)
Part 60 - Hoppy's Holiday (1947)
Part 61 - Silent Conflict (1948)
Part 62 - The Dead Don't Dream (1948)
Part 63 - Sinister Journey (1948)
Part 64 - Borrowed Trouble (1948)
Part 65 - False Paradise (1948)
Part 66 - Strange Gamble (1948)

FRANCIS (1950)

Dim-witted Peter Stirling (Donald O'Connor) is almost too stupid to live.  One day, while stationed in Burma (during World War II) this Beetle Baily motherfucker gets lost on foot behind Japanese lines and figures his best course of action is to take a nap.  Awakened later by approaching explosions, Peter simply runs off in whatever direction his feet take him.  Feets, don't fail me now!  He falls down a hill like a dumbfuck and standing there is a talking mule by the name of Francis.  Francis, with an i.  Francis saves Peter’s life by carrying him back to his base.  After that, Francis and Peter develop an almost abusive relationship were Francis constantly belittles Peter and embarrasses him by clamming up when others are around.  At the same time, they enjoy sneaking off together in the middle of the night to hunt humans.  They even kill some humans together at one point.  Maybe somebody should remake this film into a horror movie.

In the highly populated domesticated-talking-equine-hybrid-between-a-donkey-and-a-horse-during-the-Burma-campaign subgenre, FRANCIS is in the top 100% percentile.  That said, the story is weak and pretty much all of Peter’s troubles come from him constantly telling everybody on the base that he’s friends with a talking mule.  I wish that Francis and Peter had been more friendly from the beginning.  Instead of playing weird mind games.  That was depressing.  Why is being honest with each other so fucking hard?!  From a filmmaking standpoint, FRANCIS is very basic.  Boring sets, average acting, uninspired cinematography, average pace.  The main saving grace of the film is that the mule who plays Francis is super cute.  There's also a few brief Tony Curtis sightings that caught me off guard.  That was neat.

Worth a watch for fans of such things.  Or maybe even stoners looking for a few giggles.  If there even are still stoners anymore.  Are there?  I don’t even know.  What do the “cool” people do now?  Heroin?  Tranq?  Oxycodone?  Fentanyl?  Poisonous toad puss?  Who gives a fuck.  Drink some cherry-flavored mushroom Kool-Aid, pop some oxy and feel superior to others as you giggle at Francis.  He’s a mule.  That talks.

Part 2 - Francis Goes to the Races (1951)
Part 3 - Francis Goes to West Point (1952)
Part 4 - Francis Covers the Big Town (1953)
Part 5 - Francis Joins the WACS (1954)
Part 6 - Francis in the Navy (1955)
Part 7 - Francis in the Haunted House (1956)