THE HEADLESS EYES (1971)

I saw this sitting on the shelf at the video store and rented it without even reading the description on the back, I wanted it to be a surprised cause with a cover like that anything could happen! (Please, please, please be eyeball shaped aliens who come to Earth to attack hot blonds at a nudist colony! Please Satan let it be true!!!) And surprised I was cause this is a serial killer movie! The story opens with a dork breaking into a woman's bedroom late at night. The woman wakes up and understandably freaks the fuck out! The dude tries to calm her down, so she rewards him with a spoon to the eyeball!!!

Skip forward a few years and ol' boy has an eye patch and in the light of day looks surprisingly like Hannibal Lecter. He owns a small art store, but spends most of his time stalking and killing women in broad daylight. You'd think somebody would notice this creepy looking dude chasing chicks around while screaming stuff about how he's gonna rip out their eyes, but I guess not.

For a zero budget serial killer movie from 1971, THE HEADLESS EYES is actually not too bad, much better than a lot of the more recent serial killer movies I seen lately. I doubt this will ever make it to DVD, but if it does then it should at least deserve a rent.

THE VIDEO DEAD (1987)

Made for what looks like maybe a few thousand bucks, THE VIDEO DEAD is the story about some fucked up TV set that allows zombies to enter into the real world. The evil television is accidentally delivered to a random guy.  The zombies kill him off screen. Three months later, two 40-year-old teenagers move into the house and the zombies are still there!  Just hanging out in the woods behind the house.  The zombies kill a dog and then a few random people. Instead of calling the cops or somebody with a gun or better yet just getting the fuck out of there, the teenage boy goes looking for the zombies in the wooded area out back...he finds them. Some stuff happens back at the house to the sister. It's all very slow, the special effects and makeup are high school level, the acting is just people stiffly reciting lines, zero nudity, zero scares, slow pace.

I'm really now sure why this has such a cult following. I watched this with a few friends and other than a few scattered laughs, it wasn't a hit. If you're curious about it then check it out, it's not a horrible film just slow.

PHANTOM OF THE MALL: ERIC'S REVENGE (1987)

Poor ol’ Eric's just minding his own business, chillin' at the house, bangin' his girlfriend when out of nowhere an evil real estate developer (who wants to build a mall where Eric currently lives) burns down Eric’s crib right on top of his face! What an butthole!!! But...Eric lives! A normal person would go to the hospital, get some reconstructive surgery, then sue the shit out of the developer and then live the rest of his life like a king...but no, not Eric. Eric is a psychopathic moron, so instead he disappears for a year, to places unknown, while they build a large shopping mall on top of his old homestead. After that, he sets up shop in the bowels of the mall, lifts weights, learns kung-fu and become really proficient at stuff like crossbows, forklift driving, security cameras and training a snake to bite a guy in the dick. Then, in a stroke of movie coincidence, his ex-girlfriend gets a job at the mall! Now Eric can stalk her while at the same time killing the shit out of the people on his ever growing Shit List. Wonder if her new boyfriend is on Eric’s list? Hum…I bet he is.

As far as 1980’s horror movies goes, THE PHANTOM OF THE MALL cannot be taken seriously, but it is a fun time waster. Cobra bite to the dick, crossbow fu, forklift fu, zero gore, Ken Foree in a smaller role, mild nudity, one actress who's mannerisms reminds me of Mia Farrow, good pace, hydraulic door to head fu, Cort from JASON LIVES: FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VI, awesome 80’s fashions, cheap car chase in parking lot.

If you like horror movies and don't take it too serious then I think you'll have a good time.  Although I do wish the character of Eric had been more badass.  He was kinda boring and whiny.