SALEM'S LOT (2004)

You know the story: famous writer comes back to his hometown to confront some childhood demons concerning a creepy mansion.  While there, some vampire shenanigans pop off and he takes it upon himself to kick all of those smelly bloodsuckers in their undead nuts.

I liked this version...or, at least, the first two hours.  The introduction of the town and it's citizens is done well enough.  The story is continually moving forward, but then in the last hour, everything just putters to an end.  Like the movie itself was getting sleepy.

Dated early 2000's TV-level digital effects, steady pace, good writing despite a few plot holes (why didn't the priest recognize the homeless dude in the opening scene?), unsatisfying ending, unsatisfying looking vampires, one of the lamest boss fight in movie history, Donald Sutherland doing a Max von Sydow as Leland Gaunt impersonation(?), a Cujo reference, strong cast with good acting.

Overall, it's not a bad watch (especially for a made-for-TV movie), but I can't see any reason to watch it too often.

 

Miniseries from same source material - Salem's Lot (1979)

Sequel to original miniseries - A Return to Salem's Lot (1987)

WOLF CREEK (2005)

Crikey.  Three nerds drive out to the middle of fucking nowhere Australia in their crappy car and go for a long walk.  When they finally get back to the car, it doesn't work and hey check it out some helpful, creepy looking dude shows up in his creeper truck to help. "How about I tow you off to my house in the middle of Bum Fuck Egypt and fix your crap car there?" he says.  "Sure, why the fuck not?" they reply.  Once at his crap house, that makes the shack in WRONG TURN look comfy, he drugs them and turns them into his personal playthings...or something, I don't know, since everything took place off screen.  What a boring turd.

Somewhere, I don't even know where, I got it into my brain that WOLF CREEK was suppose to be superscary and ultraviolent as fuck.  So I got a copy, stuck in the trust ol' OPPO and sat there bored out of my skull for 52 fucking minutes(!!!) until finally something sinister started to happen.  And was it superscary or ultraviolent?  Hell no.  Zero gore, very little blood, slow as molasses pace, zero nudity, low violence, non-scary bad guy who I could beat the crap out of, annoying victims I wanted to punch.  Outside of the pretty Australian countryside, I cannot think of a single reason to watch this movie.  Yeah, I'm about to say the unspeakable, but...fucking TURISTAS was better!  That's right, I said it.  TURISTAS was boring as fuck, but the pace was a little bit better and I think one of the girls might have been attractive, I can't remember.  Either way, skip the fuck out of WOLF CREEK and TURISTAS and go throw a chimp on the barbie instead.

[SPOILER!!!] If all that wasn't enough to convince you to skip this turkey: at one point one of the girls is holding a gun, she actually knocks the killer dude unconscious and does nothing.  Just walks away.  Of course, a few minutes later he wakes up and chops off her fingers then stabs her in the spine.

Part 2 - Wolf Creek 2 (2013)

THE CONCORDE... AIRPORT '79 (1979)

I'd never seen an AIRPORT movie before starting these series a few days ago.  I knew the first few films were wildly successful and kick-started the whole disaster boom of the 70's, so I was kinda curious as to why they only made four films and just didn't continue the series indefinitely since it looks to be an endless goldmine.  I still think the AIRPORT series could have gone on, but after seeing Part 4 I can understand why they ended it when they did.  First off, the star power is completely gone, but even more importantly (and maybe why there wasn't any star power to begin with) is the story is complete rubbish.

You got a Concorde flying from Washington D. C. to Moscow.  On board is the reporter girlfriend of a aerospace big shot.  She has evidence that's he's been illegally selling arms to enemies of the US.  So naturally the only thing he can do is launch a high tech missile at the airplane, but oh, that's just the beginning because he also has a fighter jet attack the plane and then has a maintenance guy sabotage one of the doors to open in mid flight!!!  I can't get much further into the story without giving it all away, but, trust me, it's just fucking insane the shit that goes on in this movie.  Even worse is it's all very badly written, yet somehow screenwriter Eric Roth went on to write the adapted script for FORREST GUMP!  So let that be a lesson to you: my Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you before you can move on.  

The only reason I can think of to watch this long-winded disaster is to laugh at it.  The story is junk, the special effects are horrible and the acting is garbage.  Skip it.  And that's all I have to say about that.

Part 1 - Airport - (1970)
Part 2 - Airport 1975 (1974)
Part 3 - Airport '77 (1977)