Monday, November 22, 2010

SPLICE (2009)

This movie could have gone one of two ways: the sex comedy (think REPLI-KATE); the high road about scientists creating a human/animal hybrid then debating a lot about the moral ramifications of human cloning/DNA splicing or the low road where a team of scientists decide to remake PROJECT: METALBEAST and create a monster for no other reason than to kill everyfuckingbody in gruesome ways! Sadly SPLICE goes the high road route and all of the killing and murdering and human/duck-billed platypus/giraffe/goldfish/cockroach/hummingbird/unicorn/chameleon/octopus monster bathing in human entrails never happens. That doesn't mean SPLICE isn't a good movie though, just a mildly interesting then boring one.

Genetic engineers Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley secretly create a funky looking creature from a bunch of different animals. It's very cute at first. I just wanted to hug it! Then it quickly grows up into a freaky woman creature that just hangs around all day doing nothing. Finally towards the end of movie it finally freaks out and wrecks some shit, but by this point I'd already let out a few really loud yawns that made my cats laugh.

I appreciate the filmmakers trying to make an intelligent horror film, but sometimes the audience just wants a bunch of blood and guts. Worth watching if it comes on cable or something, but I wouldn't waste my time renting it.

[Minor SPOILER ahead!] The scene where Adrien Brody had sex with Dren was silly and completely unbelievable. I mean, just a few weeks earlier she was some formless Chicken McNugget-looking blob and he even tried to kill her now just suddenly BAM! he's down to fuck? It don't buy it.  It would have been more believable if Dren had escaped (with a wig) then came across some drunk hunter in the woods or something. Even better yet, when she was still very young looking have her kidnapped by a psychotic child molester who rapes her then before he knows it she grows up, changes into a dude and pumps him in the butt! That would have been more exciting than her hanging around a barn for half the film.
Gettin' some of that mutant pussy!