POLICE ACADEMY 4: CITIZENS ON PATROL (1987)

Commandant Lassard starts up a new program called "Citizens On Patrol" where citizens work alongside normal police. How very, very exciting.

Nobody in their right mind gives a fuck about this story. It’s all just an excuse to introduce new cadets. So, who do we got? David Spade as an adult teenage skater, Brian Backer as another adult teenage skater, Tab Thacker as some giant dude, Corinne Bohrer as a preppy (I think) who falls for Zed, Billie Bird as an old lady version of Tackleberry and various boring people. It’s all very dumb and ends up in a hot air balloon chase. Yawn.

Dull story, not one single joke that can be considered actually funny (for example: during the hot air balloon chase, a cop gives a warning shot and shoots straight up into his own balloon), dead on arrival acting, okay pace, a script that is really just a series of skits, zero nudity outside of a super fast wet t-shirt on Callahan, various unattractive people in the background, a skateboarding montage featuring Tony Hawk, old jokes being hammered into the ground, an abrupt ending, multiple characters including Hooks, Mrs. Tackleberry and Hightower who almost completely disappear from the last half of the movie, a random ninja fight. I'm curious as to why early on they made such a big production of showing that two of the cadets are skaters, but then never had them skate even one time once they showed up at the academy?

Overall, POLICE ACADEMY 4: CITIZENS ON PATROL seems like it was written for dim-witted children. Unless you’re a glutton for lame movies, then I can see little reason to waste your time on this clunker. When Corinne Bohrer showed up early on, I felt a glimmer of hope since she was so awesome in JOYSTICKS and SURF II, but nope. She did ease the pain some, but she wasn’t in enough scenes. Can you relate?

Part 1 - Police Academy (1984)
Part 2 - Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985)
Part 3 - Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986)
Part 5 - Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988)
Part 6 - Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989)
Part 7 - Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (1994)

TOTAL RECALL (1990)

Earth, 2084. Construction worker Arnold Schwarzenegger spends a lot of time thinking about Mars.  He daydreams about it during the day and dreams about it at night, but yet he's never been there.  Many people do live on Mars, but most of them are only there to support the mining industry which seems to be extremely crooked and very powerful.  One day, Arnold sees an ad for a company called Rekall that can implant fake memories into your noodle.  Arnold signs up for a two week memory of him being a secret agent on Mars, but when they go to hook him to the machine, he freaks out and starts tearing up the joint.  Next thing you know Arnold's entire life is turned upside-down when people start attacking him at every turn.  What the hell is going on here?!

For an Arnold film, TOTAL RECALL is kinda entertaining.  It's not as awesome as PREDATOR or COMMANDO, but it'll pass the time.  Quick pace, 90's interpretations of what fashions and technology would be like in 2084 (hint: it's gonna look a lot like 1990), Arnold grunting a lot, a woman with three tits (four years after the three-titted woman in VICIOUS LIPS), non-threatening bad guys, badly designed buildings, gigantic fans without safety guards on them, mutants that don't really do anything but just stand there.  TOTAL RECALL drinking game: every time Arnold goes "Eeeeiahaag!", every time somebody's eyeballs bulge out and every time you see an animatronic head.

The budget of $65M might sound like a lot (in 1990 money), but the story is still too ambitious for the limited special effects of the time.  Worth checking out, but nothing to get excited about.

Remake - Total Recall (2012)