Wednesday, March 2, 2011
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME (1981)
The coolest kids at school, "The Top 10", are disappearing one-by-one. What could it be? Aliens? Wookalars? Zombie hummingbirds pecked out their eyes and now they can't find their way to school? No, it's just some asshole killing them because he/she is all butthurt over some bullshit...or maybe not. Maybe they're just acting like they're butthurt. Honestly it doesn't matter, because by the time you get to the end you'll be 99 and 44/100% asleep. Not because it's a bad movie, just a slow one that has zero idea what a slasher movie audience wants. A slasher audience wants insane (but not cheesy) violence, young hot naked females, blood, gore, a fun story and a badass killer. HBTM has none of those things. There's very little violence, the killer is weak, zero nudity, only a handful of blood, zero gore and the story is long-winded and overly complicated.
Not a bad watch, but nothing to get excited about either. As far as early 80's slashers go, HBTM is about as average as you can get. Also how did Glenn Ford get involved with this snoozer?!