Sunday, March 13, 2011

MONSTERS (2010)

A chick (who looks like the less attractive sister of the singer of Sixpence None The Richer) hooks up with a guy (who looks like the more annoying brother of Steve-O) and they journey on foot from somewhere in the middle of Mexico through the Infected Zone to America. "What's the Infected Zone?", you ask. Well, that's where these aliens who look like giant octopuses made out of Christmas lights landed 6 years ago and now they troll around doing...well, uh, well I actually have no fucking idea what they do, because even though I watched this entire fucking movie the space octopuses were only onscreen for a few minutes and they pretty much just stood there doing not a goddamn thing!!!

Outside of cheating gullible suckers out of their money what the f is the point of this movie?! I love alien invasion movies and giant monster movies, so I was stoked about watching it, but all it ended up being was these two dorks just walking around and then walking around a little longer. The End.

Bottom line: if you just couldn't get enough of watching Tom Cruise walking around doing nothing in WAR OF THE WORLDS while all kinds of exciting shit happened just over the hill and out of view then you'll love this movie cause once again all the exciting shit happens out of our view while absolutely nothing goes on where we can actually see it.

Skip this clunker with a vengeance. If you need me I'll be in my room watching STARSHIP TROOPERS while performing a Flip 6 3 Hole.