Wednesday, December 14, 2011


This will probably come as a surprise to no one since I think no one actually looks at this shitty site, but I don't know jack about the Planet of the Apes. I remember seeing the first film when I was very young, but I only remember bits and pieces. The Statue of Liberty, Charlton Heston snarling and yelling and eventually singing something about Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius. So I can't really compare this to the original, but liked this film. It starts with some scientists trying out some experimental drugs on some chimpanzees. Stuff happens and the chimps are put down, but the lead scientist (James Franco) discovers a baby chimp hidden in the smartest chimp's cage. James sneaks the chimp, named Caesar, home and is surprised when he discovers his mother passed down the effects of the drugs down to her child. Within a few years Caesar is smarter than all of the fans of "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" combined!!! That's right, he has an I.Q. of at least 85!!!

As he gets older Caesar loves James, but he is troubled by his role as a "pet". After an unfortunate event he is sent to a primate sanctuary ran by some sadistic assholes. It's there that Caesar comes to understand the role of apes in a human world. After his spirit is broken by his mistreatment and his mistaken belief that James as abandoned him, Caesar becomes determined to lead his fellow apes to a better life.

I liked this movie a lot, but wish it had been darker and a little more epic. I understand that Caesar doesn't want a violent revolution, he just wants to live in peace, but I'm really hoping that Part 2 is violent as shit. That would be awesome! Apes just going fucking nuts and killing the shit out of humans. Ripping out intestines. Even without the violence I liked the story and it looks to be the beginning of a very promising series. As far as the "epic" comment goes there are a few scenes (I won't say as to not ruin the film) that probably looked epic as fuck in the script but didn't transition that way on the screen. Still the script was very good, the acting was great and the apes effects were especially impressive and I loved Caesar, he looked awesome and expressed a lot of emotions with just simple facial gestures. The scene where he was separated from James was goddamn heartbreaking. I'm not bullshitting. I actually got a little tearful. Not the park scene in UMBERTO D. tearful, but still my eyes were moist. I didn't like it.

Recommended, especially if you are anti-human, but even if not it's still highly entertaining and I think I might need to do some catching up on this entire series.
For the love of Satan, I nearly lost it right about here.

Ape on pig violence. Yes!