Wednesday, February 8, 2012


Alright, see if you can follow this (because I barely could): a guy unknowingly has multiple personalities, one of them being local serial killer "The Riverton Ripper". When he accidentally discovers that he's The Ripper he goes bonkers, kills his pregnant wife and is in the act of attacking his young daughter when the pigs bust in and shoot him. Stuff happens and while he's being transported to the hospital he stabs an EMT in the neck causing the ambulance to wreck and explode. Within the hour 7 babies are born at the local hospital and then sixteen years later on their, uh, sixteenth birthday the "Riverton 7" start getting killed off one at a time. Could the culprit be The Riverton Ripper who's body was never found? Somebody else completely? A wookalar? Or maybe The Ripper's spirit returning to haunt/possess/murder the seven teenagers?

If MSTT was made by a first-time director I might be a little more forgiving, but seeing how it was written, produced and directed by horror legend Wes Craven who's been in the business since 1971 (!!!) I can't help but tell you how shocked I was at how amateurish the whole thing felt. I didn't hate the film, but that's not saying much or even an accurate statement because there isn't much happening in MYTT to hate. It's literally too bland to even make a critical judgement about! There isn't one single original idea in the entire movie; the story is ancient; we never even get a clear shot at the killer (he appears to be a large, scruffier version of Rob Zombie); the characters are all bland stereotypes we've already seen a million times before (lonely nerd, abusive jock, power-hungry preppy; prude prayer chick, etc.) and with almost zero violence, gore, blood or nudity I don't even know what Wes was thinking the audience would be entertained by! Honest to Satan I honestly believe that by the end of this year the only thing I'll remember about this movie is how hot that chick with the dark hair was.  Holy shit.

Not face-punchingly bad, just boring and formulaic. Skip it with a vengeance.