Monday, November 9, 2015


Ohhhhh!  Look what the movie elves left at my front door today!  THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 3!  How exciting is that?  As you might not remember I was bored with the first film, but amused with the second one, so here's hoping that Part 3 will continue the series' improved progression.

The first few minutes are pretty interesting since it opens with the closing scene of Part 2.  The camera then reveals that it is just a movie being shown on a television set.  But who's watching the TV?!  Holy fook, it's the dudes from both Part 1 and Part 2!!!  They're the warden (Dieter Laser from Part 1) and his accountant/assistant (Laurence R. Harvey from Part 2) of the George H. W. Bush State Prison.  Both are insane and they have a problem with the prisoners always rioting and wrecking shit.  It's destroying their budget!  What would be the perfect solution to their problem?  Why a humongous human centipede, of course!

Overall, THC3 was better than I expected, but that's not saying much.  The opening act was the highlight of the film, but unfortunately, after that, it kinda stalls for awhile until we finally get to see the finished massive centipede.  Was it worth the wait?  Ehhhh...not really.  There was only a few minutes of it, it never moved and there was no closure as to what happened to it.  Even with the disappointing ending, I don't regret watching THC3.  I enjoyed how all three films with their wildly different stories were connected to each other ending-to-beginning (just like a human centipede) and I really enjoyed the acting by the two leads in this film.  Dieter was over-the-top as fuck and Harvey's accent had me smiling.

I really hope this isn't the end of the THC series.  The potential of The Human Centipede has barely even been touched on.  In no part during the series did the filmmakers ever mention The Human Centipede's magical's a widely known fact that if you stand in the middle of a ten-person Human Centipede circle that you can use it as a time machine and that if you can train your twelve-person Human Centipede to stand up under it's own power you will gain eternal life.  Also the remake possibilities are endless: HONEY, I SHRUNK THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE; DUDE, WHERE'S MY HUMAN CENTIPEDE; WEEKEND AT THE HUMAN CENTIPEDES (I like this one because it's a comedy about some guys trying to convince people that their dead Human Centipede is still alive); ADVENTURES IN BABYSITTING THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE; THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE'S DAY OFF; ERNEST SCARED THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE STUPID; ABOUT LAST NIGHT...WITH THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE; I KNOW WHAT THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE DID LAST SUMMER; V FOR HUMAN CENTIPEDE; STOP OR MY MOM WILL HUMAN CENTIPEDE (this one's about how Rocky Balboa's mother can self-replicate herself into a Human Centipede when angry); THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE DOES DALLAS; ALL THE PRESIDENT'S HUMAN CENTIPEDES; THE MAN FROM H.U.M.A.N. C.E.N.T.I.P.E.D.E.; CENTIPEDIN' 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO; DON'T TELL MOM THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE IS DEAD; SEVEN BRIDES FOR SEVEN HUMAN CENTIPEDES; LICENSE TO HUMAN CENTIPEDE (this is the one where the Human Centipede lied to his parents about getting his driver's license); NOT WITHOUT MY HUMAN CENTIPEDE; ALL HUMAN CENTIPEDES GO TO HEAVEN.  I mean this could just go on forever...

Part 1 - The Human Centipede (First Sequence)
Part 2 - The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)