Borrowing heavily from the basic idea of IT'S A MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD WORLD, MILLION DOLLAR MYSTERY tells the story of a bunch of obnoxious assholes who just happen to be at a roadside diner when a guy who stole $4 million from the government wanders in and dies. He uses his dying breaths to give these ungrateful assholes clues to where he's hidden the $4 million in four different locations. A million in each location. After he dies, they leave his body to the buzzards and drive like absolute maniacs from location to location looking for the money. For the entire movie, they're all completely incapable of driving in a straight line or at the speed limit. It's like they're purposely trying to call attention to themselves. And attention they get, cause before long there's so many assholes crowding in trying to fuck one another over for the money that they can't even fit in the screen. Not that that's a bad thing. I like movies with a large cast of characters, it's just that all of the characters in this film are unlikable and too dumb to live.
Lazy jokes galore, dull writing, zero nudity, zero violence, the promise of a "Toxic Werewolf" listed in the credits but it ended up just being a guy making crazy faces, a truck bed filled with loose soccer balls, crappy looking cars, lots of yelling, maybe two jokes in the entire film that I actually smiled, overacting overdose, Eddie Deezen's talents wasted.
After watching the film, I was doing some research and discovered that MILLION DOLLAR MYSTERY was actually part of a contest put on by a trash bag company! That probably explains why the script was such rubbish. The good news is I found another newspaper article that stated the film company had a $15.5 million dollar loss on the movie. I got a bigger chuckle out of that than anything in the movie itself.
