SPOOKIES (1986)

Two carloads of partygoers show up to a mansion in the woods and walk in like they own the joint. They don’t. The mansion belongs to an old wizard dude who likes to talk a lot and occasionally send one of his minions (werecat, zombies, farting muck men, a spider woman, etc.) to kill people. The End.

Every movie ever made, no matter how “bad” it is has its fans. Especially horror movies. (For example: AX ’EM has a 1.4 score on IMDb, but I gave it a 6 because, to me, it’s a lot of fun and definitely unique.) So, with that in mind, I’m sure that SPOOKIES has its fair share of fans. I’m just not one of them. Slow pace, below average to average acting, mildly interesting special effects, terrible story with even worse dialogue, predictable ending, zero nudity, zero gore, very little blood…honestly, I don’t what there is to like about this movie. The story is shit and the execution of the shit story is shit. The only thing that I found interesting about SPOOKIES is the appearance of Charlotte Alexandra from A REAL YOUNG GIRL! Like, what the fuck? A REAL YOUNG GIRL is a solid 1970’s French arthouse film with Charlotte Alexandra as the lead and here she is 10 years later co-starring in the low budget horror movie that's so weak that I'm not even sure it can really be considered an actual Horror movie.

Skip it with a vengeance and never look back. If you need me, I’ll be in my room watching the original NIGHT OF THE DEMONS.

FUNNY FARM (1988)

FUNNY FARM is one of those movies where the only thing that keeps the story moving forward is the complete incompetence of the main characters.

New York City newspaper sportswriter Andy Farmer (Chevy Chase) gets a $10,000 advance from a publisher for a novel that he has yet to write. So, with all of that money, he and his kindergarten teacher wife, Elizabeth (Madolyn Smith), quit their jobs, leave the legendary Upper West Side apartment building the Apthorp and move into a beautiful country home in rural Vermont complete with it’s own private duck pond. Who knew that $10,000 could go so far in 1988! Once in Vermont our heroes are in a continual state of confusion and shock about literally everything: issues with the backwoods phone company, the townsfolk are rude, inability to read a menu, the lone mailman is a raging drunk, there’s wildlife and insects in the area around their country home, the local sheriff cannot drive a car, there’s birds in the trees…chirping! It’s like they did zero research about the house or the local community before uprooting their entire lives and moving. As a viewer am I supposed to find this funny? The whole thing stressed me out.

That said, the basic idea of the fish out of water city slickers moving to the country has a ton of potential. Hell, SON IN LAW did it 5 years later and it was funny! In my worthless opinion, the main problem with FUNNY FARM is the director. It’s directed by legendary old Hollywood director George Roy Hill (BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID, THE STING) and while he’s obviously a talented director, it seems like he (or whoever) wanted to go for a G-rated story with very simplistic humor. Simplistic to the point that I’m not even sure the movie could even really be considered a Comedy. FUNNY FARM…it’s not funny, nor is it a farm.

Also (I’m really not trying to pile on), but Madolyn Smith wasn’t an ideal choice for Chevy’s wife. She wasn’t good as a straight character for the jokes to play off of, she didn’t have any comedic moments of her own, there was very little chemistry between her and Chevy. Like, honestly, I’m not even sure what the point of her entire character was! Just have Chevy be single and maybe flirting with a sexy local!

I don’t know. FUNNY FARM kinda pissed me off because there’s a lot of potential with the basic story idea, but none of those thousands of funny ideas made it to the screen. Watch it if you want, I don’t give a fuck. Or maybe double-feature it with THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER OVER THE SEPTIC TANK for a truly uninspired and unfunny evening.