POLICE ACADEMY 6: CITY UNDER SIEGE (1989)

The city is plagued by a crime wave. And by “crime wave” I mean stuff like three dudes walking up to a closed store, opening the door and then casually walking out with some fur coats. It’s exciting stuff. So anyway, the mayor puts together a highly-skilled team of morons (led by Commandant Lassard) to solve the case.

At this point in the series I can’t understand how these movies still had an audience. The acting seems to be geared towards children, there’s zero nudity anymore, the stories are dumb as shit, the characters are all soulless caricatures, the photography is bland and worst of all is none of it is even remotely funny! For example: everywhere that Callahan goes (the gym, jogging, on patrol) there's a group of leering cavemen staring her down, following her and offering to fuck. Like how is that even remotely funny? Haha, implied sexual assault, that’s what people want to see in a comedy! I was also confused as to why Tackleberry had to drive a monster truck during a chase scene? Like he was literally running over people’s cars! Are the people still in the cars? Even if they manage to get out, you’re still crushing people’s whips in order to catch a thief. The lawsuits that resulted from that must have been astronomical! “Yes, Your Honor, I know I crushed seven people to death, including two infants, and a dog, but I was chasing a dude who stole a fur coat.”

Anyway, dumb story, weak acting, that one dude still making annoying noises (and still not funny), two newspapers with the same sentences in them, a movie theater with a poster for 1979's HOT STUFF, the same old jokes (that were barely even funny in the first film) still being recycled, one dude running so fast that his shoes started smoking, Proctor still hanging around being irritating.

When I started reviewing this series I was excited, but while I’m still curious about them, this shit is getting tedious. Like how could something so unfunny keep getting made?

Part 1 - Police Academy (1984)
Part 2 - Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985)
Part 3 - Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986)
Part 4 - Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987)
Part 5 - Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988)
Part 7 - Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (1994)

POLICE ACADEMY 5: ASSIGNMENT: MIAMI BEACH (1988)

Commandant Lassard is going to be honored as "Police Officer of the Decade" at a police convention in Miami Beach, Florida. That in itself is enough to confuse the fuck out of me because from the very first film Lassard has been portrayed as nothing but a buffoon. But whatever, it’s a good excuse for him and a few of his favorite cops to go to Miami. While at the airport. Our police officer of the decade accidentally spills a bunch of golf balls all over the joint and this causes a jewel theft to fall and accidentally swap bags with Lassard. So, for the next hour or so it’s just an unfunny series of skits showing the jewel thieves trying to get the diamonds back from an unwitting Lassard. At the same time, we also get treated to a long series of skits showing the cops in Miami. For example, Hooks yells so loud that some people fall into a swimming pool; Tackleberry shows his gun to a shark and the shark leaves the beach; Hightower throws a frisbee so hard that it lifts Proctor off the ground and a new cop writes the word dork on Harris’ chest while he’s sunbathing. I’m mean, these are some highly funny jokes. Just fucking next level shit.

POLICE ACADEMY 5: ASSIGNMENT: MIAMI BEACH is an odd film in that it is better than the previous film, but it’s still a stinker. The only real comedic bright light is Rene Auberjonois as the bumbling jewel theft. He was actually amusing with that stupid hair and tan and overacting. Other than that, every single joke was a dud. And seeing as there was there was zero nudity and almost nothing sexual going on at all, I’m almost tempted to believe that this is a kid’s movie. Or, at least, geared towards morons with the IQ's of toddlers.

Oh yeah, this was the first Police Academy film without Steve Guttenberg and it shows cause he’s usually the glue that holds the story together. Without him the whole thing just felt disheveled and aimless. There’s also a rumor that Bobcat Goldthwait wasn’t in this film but I don’t think anybody has ever cared enough to confirm that or not.

Part 1 - Police Academy (1984)
Part 2 - Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985)
Part 3 - Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986)
Part 4 - Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987)
Part 6 - Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989)
Part 7 - Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (1994)