HELLCATS (2008)

[Update 03/02/2021: Need to redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

From the DVD cover and that name I was expecting this to be some sexy crazed, female-oriented sex comedy, but no it's actually a pretty subdued film that reminded me of Ang Lee's EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN.

You have three females, each represents a different age bracket: teen, late 20's and early 40's. All three are having relationship problems. The teen has a boyfriend, but she accidentally discovers she actually has the hots for her female best friend. The middle chick has a slacker musician boyfriend who just sits around his messy apartment doing nothing...except cheating! She dumps him and starts dating a handsome beau hunk who's really nice, but she still has feeling for the loser dude. The older female starts a sex-based relationship with a younger man, but maybe it's based on more than sex.

I liked the movie. The director did an outstanding job of capturing three distinctly different females and chronicling the separate problems they faced, but it could have been a little shorter. Also, that song they used towards the end was fucking horrendous! Good acting, intriguing stories, non-existent sex scenes, no nudity, worth watching if you can find a copy, but nothing worth going out of your way for.

SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD (2010)

Twenty-two year-old George-Michael Bluth is dating a hot girl who's 17. For some unknown reason, his cockblocking hipster friends constantly badger the living shit out of him over this. Then, one night at a party he sees a really cute girl (his age) with pink hair. He dumps the younger girl, hooks up with this new girl and now must "battle" her seven "evil" ex's.  He does, he wins and he gets the girl. The End.

I liked this movie for what it was (at least it tried to be somewhat original), but I was still disappointed. I'm not sure what I expected, but I was really wanting to be blown away and taken for a wild ride. Instead, it's just a bunch of hipsters sitting around talking like they're way down on Quaaludes. Finally, we get to the fight scenes and they're just ehhhh. I never got any since of danger from them. All kinds of violent shit would happen to George-Michael, but none of it ever hurt him. He'd get slammed through a wall or bashed in the face repeatedly and he's still be standing there with those intellectually disabled puppy dog eyes and adorable stroke victim mumble-stutter talk that he always does.

What would have been cool is if, instead of being just one step above "The Power Rangers", SPVTW would have gone for an dark R-rating and thrown in some gritty, blood soaked violence. But, I guess, that's not what the filmmakers were looking for. Oh well.

Mildly interesting watch, but with absolutely zero tension and terrible music I felt disconnected from the entire thing. Worth a watch, but that's about it.

RINKO EIGHTEEN (2009)

[Update 03/21/2021: Need to redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

"You need to ejaculate into the anal?"

Eighteen year-old girl, Rinko, has rich parents and goes to a great school and plans to be a doctor. Her life is very pampered and wonderful. Then one day her father is busted for illegal business dealings and her mother runs off with her lover. This leaves Rinko instantly homeless. Things are looking pretty grim, but then she's taken in by a small porno company as an assistant and even allowed to sleep on the couch and use the company's wardrobe of slutty outfits as her own clothes.

With a story like that you'd expect this just to be a cheap softcore porno, but it's not. For whatever reason, this movie was really sweet and touching and genuinely funny. My only real complaint would be that it wasn't long enough! When Rinko starts her job she's very naive and knows absolutely nothing about the real world. She can't even ride a bicycle! But thanks to some tough love, patience and hard work Rinko becomes a valuable asset to the company.

It's honestly ridiculous why this movie is as good as it is. The budget looks be pretty much nothing and the story is crazy, but somehow thanks to a clever script, some really spirited performances (especially by the main actress) and a lot of talent behind the camera this movie works and I really enjoyed it. I hope they make a sequel!

One complaint I do have outside of the movie is the subtitles on the DVD are fucking horrible! Some of the worst I've ever seen, but I guess the fact that I still liked the movie just goes to show how good it really was. There's also a surprisingly small amount of nudity, but don't let that scare you off. Check it out, it honestly is a sweet movie.

FULL CONTACT (1992)

Chow Yun-fat is a bad guy who, in order to help his friend (Anthony Wong) get out of a debt to a ruthless loan shark, agrees to take part in the hijacking of an arms shipment. They steal the weapons, but then as they are about to make their getaway Wong's cousin attacks Chow and leaves him for dead...but he's not fucking dead, so a few years later he returns to enact his revenge.

FULL CONTACT is a fun 90's HK actioner filled with fog and smoke and strange clothing and lighting reminiscent of a music video. It might not be as stylized as the John Woo films of the same era, but director Ringo Lam more than makes up for it with tons of gritty action. It's pretty much nonstop! I loved the bad guy and his gang. He's supergay and violent as fuck and his gang was made up solely of psychopaths! Instead of going in a bar and simply kidnapping a guy, they go in, talk shit, beat up everybody, shoot anybody who makes a sound, fire off probably 500 bullets, toss a hand grenade in when they leave (it's still full of innocent people!) then drive off while laughing like maniacs.

On top of the action you have Chow Yun-fat, Simon Yam and Anthony Wong all in the same movie. That's fucking awesome and worth watching just for that. Tons of great action scenes, zero nudity, bullets flying all over the place, very bizarre dance moves, bullet cam, rain dripping off a knife, a really cute dog, explosions and a vomiting crab. Check it out.