THE WIZARD OF OZ (1939)

Teenager Dorothy Gale (Judy Garland) lives with her aunt and uncle on their farm in rural Kansas.  It seems to be a pretty peaceful existence (riding her bicycle, singing in the yard, talking to the farmhands, etc.), but all of that comes to an end one afternoon when the wicked Miss Gulch gets an order from the sheriff to have Dorothy's dog, Toto, put to sleep.  In order to save Toto, Dorothy says "Deuces!" and jets out of there, but before she even gets down the road, she meets a kind man who talks her into going home.  Just then a tornado strikes!

Dorothy hides in her bedroom, while the rest of the family hunkers down in the tornado shelter.  Dorothy hits her head and has a wild as fuck vision about flying in her house to a fantasy land named Oz that is populated by witches, shit-talking apple trees with bad tempers, singing munchkins, evil flying monkeys, a horse with a colour malfunction and three delightful characters who she befriends: a scarecrow (who wants a brain), a tin man (who wants a heart) and a lion (who wants to be courageous).  Together, the four of them (and Toto!) set off down the "yellow brick road" to the Emerald City where the powerful Wizard of Oz can grant their wishes and return Dorothy back to Kansas.  Unfortunately, when Dorothy's house landed in Oz, it accidentally landed on the Wicked Witch of the West's sister and now WWW wants to beat Dorothy's ass.

It's difficult to give a critical analysis of TWOO since the film honestly feels like a part of my life.  I don't even remember the first time I saw it!  Anyway, I love THE WIZARD OF OZ.  Yeah, the story, when you really think about it, is kinda dumb, cause Miss Gulch is still going to have Toto put to death and the entire Oz story was most assuredly a result of Dorothy's head injury, but...it's still a great movie!  So, just like in YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU...who gives a fuck what happens after the end credits roll?!!!  Fuck it!

Excellent pace, groundbreaking use of colour photography, amazing art direction and costumes, great performances (especially Margaret Hamilton as the Wicked Witch of the West, who scared the living fuck out of me as a kid!) and quite possibly the best song in movie history: "Over the Rainbow".

THE WIZARD OF OZ is beyond required viewing and one of the most influential films of the Golden Age of Hollywood.

Game idea: sometimes, when I watch TWOO, I only watch Toto. She (yes, Terry was a she) is so much fun to watch!

Above and below: no ruby slippers.

JACK FROST (1997)

Suicidal people probably shouldn't watch this movie.  By the time this unfunny piece of fuck was over I was slashing my wrists down to the bone.

JACK FROST tells the unfunny story of a murderer who, thanks to a car wreck, is transformed into a snowman.  A murderous snowman who likes to go around cracking unfunny jokes while killing people (Example: "Listen, I got a point I'd like to make!" while stabbing somebody with an icicle.  Hardy-har-har.).  Zero laughs, zero scary parts, horrible acting that pissed me off, terrible camerawork that was made even worse by the ugly sets, shitty-looking snowman, dialogue so unpleasant that I would have liked the movie better if it had been in another language and without subtitles, Shannon Elizabeth so badly photographed that you could barely even tell how hot she is, slow pace, stupid story (even for a killer snowman movie!), ear-destroying Christmas music that made me want to barf.

I'm sure that some people out there like this film...but then again, some people probably get sexual gratification from slamming their dick in the car door of an orange 1986 Ford Escort, so there is no accounting for taste.  As for me, I fucking hated pretty much every second of this film.  Some movies are so unfunny that they actually turn funny.  JACK FROST isn't one of those films.  It started out unfunny and remained unfunny until I passed out from blood loss.  Skip it.

Part 2 - Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000)