[Update 09/27/2021: Need to redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots
also.]
The original wasn't anything special, so SORORITY ROW has the potential to be
better than the original...but it's not. It's a turd. It's still light
years better than that shitty Michael Bay
FRIDAY THE 13TH
remake though, but then again falling down a flight of stairs teeth first would
be more enjoyable than that boring piece of shit.
A group of six annoying stuck up and unattractive bitches (the killer couldn't
kill them fast enough to suit me), pull a prank at a party and girl ends up
dead. A few months later, a mysterious killer shows up and starts killing people
with a "pimped out" tire iron. Good grief. There's around 10 killings and
they average from the stab-through-the-wall method all the way to flare gun in
the mouth. Yawn. The killer wears a graduation outfit. Stupid. There's only a
few quick flashes of nudity and none of it by anybody attractive.
If you've already done everything that you've ever wanted to do in your life and
now you're just sitting around waiting for Death's cold finger then I'd say
watch this movie, but if not then skip it.
Original - The House of Sorority Row (1983)
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
DR. NO (1962)
Superspy and cocksmith James Bond goes to Jamaica to investigate the
disappearance of a fellow spy. Once there it's a pretty low-key and
straightforward investigation. He follows the former spy's footsteps and that
leads him to some stuff about radioactive rocks or something, I don't know, but
it ends up there's this butthole called Dr. No that has a secret lair on a
nearby island and he's sending out evil radio waves to crash American space
rockets. Bond has a few minor scrapes including a fake driver, three "blind"
assassins, a poisonous spider in his bed and a woman who keeps taking his
picture, but the main adventure doesn't start until an hour into the film when
he finally gets on No's island which is
guarded by a fire-breathing "dragon".
I was shocked at how low-budget and cheap the whole movie looked and the story was just barely enough to keep me interested. Also, Bond didn't have any gadgets! I thought he was suppose to have all kinds of wacky weapons and toys? I guess that doesn't happen until later on in the series? Speaking of series, this is the first movie and Bond is already a seasoned agent and there's really very little back story. As far as villains go, Dr. No was pretty weak, yeah, he had superstrong hands but he never does anything with them! Yawn. His island lair did look cool and I would imagine it was one of the inspirations for the lair in THE INCREDIBLES. That leaves us with the women Bond screws: the girl at he beginning had eyebrows that scared me; the evil girl was weird looking and the girl he randomly meets on the island was alright, but nothing special. Overall a disappointing bunch.
If, like me, you're going to go through the entire series beginning to end then you have to watch the movie, but other than that I'd skip it.
One Thunderballs out of five.
Part 2 - From Russia With Love (1963)
Part 3 - Goldfinger (1964)
Part 4 - Thunderball (1965)
Part 5 - You Only Live Twice (1967)
Part 6 - On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)
Part 7 - Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
Part 8 - Live and Let Die (1973)
Part 9 - The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)
Part 10 - The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)
Part 11 - Moonraker (1979)
Part 12 - For Your Eyes Only (1981)
Part 13 - Octopussy (1983)
Part 14 - A View to a Kill (1985)
Part 15 - The Living Daylights (1987)
Part 16 - Licence to Kill (1989)
Part 17 - GoldenEye (1995)
Part 18 - Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
Part 19 - The World Is Not Enough (1999)
Part 20 - Die Another Day (2002)
Part 21 - Casino Royale (2006)
Part 22 - Quantum of Solace (2008)
Part 23 - Skyfall (2012)
Part 24 - Spectre (2015)
Part 25 - No Time to Die (2021)
Non-Eon James Bond films:
Casino Royale (1967)
Never Say Never (1983)
I was shocked at how low-budget and cheap the whole movie looked and the story was just barely enough to keep me interested. Also, Bond didn't have any gadgets! I thought he was suppose to have all kinds of wacky weapons and toys? I guess that doesn't happen until later on in the series? Speaking of series, this is the first movie and Bond is already a seasoned agent and there's really very little back story. As far as villains go, Dr. No was pretty weak, yeah, he had superstrong hands but he never does anything with them! Yawn. His island lair did look cool and I would imagine it was one of the inspirations for the lair in THE INCREDIBLES. That leaves us with the women Bond screws: the girl at he beginning had eyebrows that scared me; the evil girl was weird looking and the girl he randomly meets on the island was alright, but nothing special. Overall a disappointing bunch.
If, like me, you're going to go through the entire series beginning to end then you have to watch the movie, but other than that I'd skip it.
One Thunderballs out of five.
Part 2 - From Russia With Love (1963)
Part 3 - Goldfinger (1964)
Part 4 - Thunderball (1965)
Part 5 - You Only Live Twice (1967)
Part 6 - On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)
Part 7 - Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
Part 8 - Live and Let Die (1973)
Part 9 - The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)
Part 10 - The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)
Part 11 - Moonraker (1979)
Part 12 - For Your Eyes Only (1981)
Part 13 - Octopussy (1983)
Part 14 - A View to a Kill (1985)
Part 15 - The Living Daylights (1987)
Part 16 - Licence to Kill (1989)
Part 17 - GoldenEye (1995)
Part 18 - Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
Part 19 - The World Is Not Enough (1999)
Part 20 - Die Another Day (2002)
Part 21 - Casino Royale (2006)
Part 22 - Quantum of Solace (2008)
Part 23 - Skyfall (2012)
Part 24 - Spectre (2015)
Part 25 - No Time to Die (2021)
Non-Eon James Bond films:
Casino Royale (1967)
Never Say Never (1983)
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