Tuesday, June 2, 2015


James Bond versus Dracula!

James Bond receives a golden bullet in the mail with his number etched on it.  That can only mean one thing: infamous assassin Christopher Lee wants to kill him.  You see, Lee is an internationally known assassin who kills with a golden bullet.  There are no pictures of him, so finding him is going to be difficult.  The only known unique physical fact about him is he has a third nipple.  So now Bond has two choices: go undercover in the third nipple-only gay porn circuit or travel to Hong Kong and have sex with random women.  Bond chooses the latter.

THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN is kind of a weird Bond film.  There's the obvious weird: Lee's character was raised in a circus so his island lair has a funhouse feel to it.  But I'm talking more about the weird comedy moments thrown into the middle of the movie featuring the racist sheriff from the previous film.  During two separate chase sequences (remember we're in Hong Kong) Bond is seen by the racist sheriff and in one they actually end up in the same car together!  It's really, really weird and not in a good weird either. 

Bizarre unfunny comedy moments aside I enjoyed TMWTGG.  Moore and Lee were both very good, exotic locations, endless moments were the bad guys could have killed Bond but didn't, Britt Ekland looking sexy as fook, that one impressive car jump, a laser cannon, karate fighting, belly dancing, camera crew visible, a flying car, Lee's totally awesome lair, Bond chasing behind a car desperately yelling "Wait for meeee!!!"

Three thunderballs out of five.

Part 1 - Dr. No
Part 2 - From Russia With Love
Part 3 - Goldfinger
Part 4 - Thunderball
Part 5 - You Only Live Twice
Part 6 - On Her Majesty's Secret Service
Part 7 - Diamonds Are Forever
Part 8 - Live and Let Die
Part 10 - The Spy Who Loved Me
Part 11 - Moonraker
Part 12 - For Your Eyes Only
Part 13 - Octopussy
Part 14 - Never Say Never Again
Part 15 - A View to a Kill
Part 16 - The Living Daylights
Part 17 - License to Kill
Part 18 - GoldenEye
Part 19 - Tomorrow Never Dies
Part 20 - The World Is Not Enough
Part 21 - Die Another Day
Part 22 - Casino Royale
Part 23 - Quantum of Solace
Part 24 - Skyfall
Part 25 - Spectre

Crew visible in mirror reflection.