Monday, August 16, 2010

GOLDFINGER (1964)

This is a little more like what I expected when I started reviewing the James Bond series. You have a unique villain, a great henchman, a bunch a crazy gadgets, multiple opportunities for the bad guys to kill Bond (...and they never do), an overly elaborate evil plan and an old unattractive woman as Bond's sex interest...well, I guess we can't get everything we want. =(

Bond is sent to investigate some evil asshole called Goldfinger who's a freak for gooooooold! Stuff happens and Goldtesticles men capture Bond and tie him to a table and are about to cut his dick off with a frickin' laser when Goldscrotum has a change of mind and spares his life. Bond is now transported to America where Goldhorsepussy plans of doing a job on Fort Knox. Naturally Goldcolums of morgagni tells Bond fucking everything before hand! It's fucking retarded, but that's what makes it so much fun.

Good movie and definitely a step in the right direction, but it's still not as Bond-ish as I was hoping for...I'm starting to get worried that none of the Bond films are going to be a crazy as I had envisioned.

My biggest complaint is there wasn't any sexy broads in the entire movie! There's one attractive leftover from FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE, but we've already seen her before. The main chick in this movie, Pussy Galore, might have had pussy galore, but I didn't want to see it. She looked old to me and way below what I envision Bond's standards to be.

Still, outside of the lack of pussy galore it's a good film and by far the best of the three films I've seen so far.

Two thunderballs out of five.

Part 1 - Dr. No
Part 2 - From Russia With Love
Part 4 -Thunderball
Part 5 - You Only Live Twice
Part 6 - On Her Majesty's Secret Service
Part 7 - Diamonds Are Forever
Part 8 - Live and Let Die
Part 9 - The Man with the Golden Gun
Part 10 - The Spy Who Loved Me
Part 11 - Moonraker
Part 12 - For Your Eyes Only
Part 13 - Octopussy
Part 14 - Never Say Never Again
Part 15 - A View to a Kill
Part 16 - The Living Daylights
Part 17 - License to Kill
Part 18 - GoldenEye
Part 19 - Tomorrow Never Dies
Part 20 - The World Is Not Enough
Part 21 - Die Another Day
Part 22 - Casino Royale
Part 23 - Quantum of Solace
Part 24 - Skyfall
Part 25 - Spectre