Friday, April 19, 2013

CUTTHROAT ISLAND (1995)

Ever wanted to see a movie that killed a once successful production company?  Well, here's your chance (and that curiosity factor is the only thing this turkey has going for it).  Carolco Pictures was once pretty awesome.  They released the first three Rambo movies, TERMINATOR 2, JACOB'S LADDER, ANGEL HEART, CLIFFHANGER, BASIC INSTINCT, THE DOORS, STARGATE, but then they decided to sink $98 million into a pirate movie featuring Geena Davis and Matthew Modine (what were they thinking?!) and the rest is history.  Released on December 22, 1995 it didn't even place in the Top 10.  Instead in came in right behind DRACULA: DEAD AND LOVING IT and ended up only making $10 million total at the box office.  What's funny is MUPPET TREASURE ISLAND was released just a few months later ended up making over $34M at the box office.

Well, is it any good?  Not really.  The story is about a pirate who's trying to gather up three pieces of a treasure map that lead to a mega treasure.  That's pretty much it.  Of course, there's other people after the maps, but after a few minutes it's easy to see that there's no real danger and no matter how tight of a spot our hero's get in they still have time to spout off lame jokes.  The action scenes are full of explosions, swinging swords and flailing limbs, but they're just not exciting.  While I was watching it I kept thinking to myself "How did this get green-lit at all, let alone with a budget of $98 million?!" 

The dialogue is wooden and stiff and the story is just uninspired and boring.  Not a terrible film, but I hope that I never have to sit through it ever again.  Skip it and never look back.