Ever wanted to see a movie that killed a once successful production
company? Well, here's your chance! And, sadly, that curiosity factor
is the only thing this peg-legged turkey has going for it. Carolco
Pictures was once pretty awesome. They released the first three Rambo
movies, TERMINATOR 2,
JACOB'S LADDER,
ANGEL HEART,
CLIFFHANGER, BASIC INSTINCT, THE DOORS, STARGATE, but then, for whatever insane reason,
they decided to sink $98 million into a pirate movie featuring Geena Davis and
Matthew Modine. To put the insanity of that in perspective: 1995's
GOLDENEYE only cost $60 million to make. Released on
December 22, 1995 on 1619 screens, CUTTHROAT ISLAND
didn't even place in the Top 10. Instead, it came in right behind DRACULA:
DEAD AND LOVING IT and ended up only making $10 million
total at the box
office. Jesus wept. What's funny is MUPPET TREASURE ISLAND was released just a few
months later ended up making over $34M at the box office.
So anyway. Is it any good? Not really. The story is about a pirate who's
trying to gather up three pieces of a treasure map that lead to a super
treasure. That's...pretty much it. Of course, there's other people
after the maps, but after a few minutes it's easy to see that there's no real
danger and no matter how tight of a squeeze our heroes get in, they still have
time to spout off lame jokes. The action scenes are full of explosions,
swinging swords and flailing limbs, but they're just not exciting. While I
was watching it I kept thinking in my handsome brain "How did this get green-lit at all,
let alone for $98 million?!"
The dialogue is wooden and stiff and the story is just uninspired and
boring. Not a terrible film, but I hope that I never have to sit through
it ever again. Skip it and never look back.
