Saturday, December 12, 2015

PRETTY MAIDS ALL IN A ROW (1971)

Man I would love love love to know the story behind this picture!  I can just imagine how the initial pitch at MGM went: "Alright, last year those assholes over at 20th Century Fox made a ton of dough with BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS and we only got one film in the Top 20 Box Office list, so let's make our own campy sex movie!  We get Rock Hudson all furred up with sideburns and a "Magnum P.I." mustache.  He's got a hot wife but he's so hip, with his peace signs and love pad guidance counselor's office, that these long-legged teenage chicks in miniskirts can't keep their pussies off of him.  He's banging like 3 or 4 before lunch!!!  Anyway, so here's the kicker: every one of these chicks is dripping pussy juice all over the school for this groovy old dude but whenever they ask him about leaving his wife...he kills them!!!!!!!!  It's brilliant.  Slasher movies haven't been invented yet, but it's gonna be just like a slasher movie, just without the gruesome kills and the Final Girl.  Get some other big names involved like Telly Savalas, Angie Dickinson (we need to get her to bang some teenage boy also), Roddy McDowall, a theme song sang by The Osmonds (sex comedy audiences love the Osmonds!), throw in some topless chicks and this thing is going to be a hit!  So whatta ya think?"  "Go for it, but make sure to throw in some corny dialogue that people can giggle at in 50 years."

When the film first started I was kinda taken back at how interesting the opening credits were with the horny teenager boy going to school and walking down the hallway, the whole time being bombarded with sexy chicks everywhere he looks.  Suddenly Rock Hudson shows up and he was like some over-the-top 70's stud slingin' ding-a-ling non-stop like John Holmes!  It was great!!!  Then...after like 30 minutes the film just stalled.  It was weird.  Instead of continuing with the same momentum of the opening act, the second and third acts don't really go anywhere.  The girls were still beautiful, of course, but the story dies a slow death. 

Worth watching if just for the oddity value of the whole thing.  And I honestly would love to learn the truth behind the making of this movie. Oh yeah, I nearly forgot, this movie was produced and written by Gene ("Star Trek") Roddenberry.