Sunday, September 24, 2017

JACK FROST (1997)

Suicidal people probably shouldn't watch this movie.  By the time this unfunny piece of fuck was over I was slashing my wrists down to the bone.

JACK FROST tells the unfunny story of a murderer who, thanks to a car wreck, is transformed into a snowman.  A murderous snowman who likes to go around cracking unfunny jokes while killing people (Example: "Listen, I got a point I'd like to make!" while stabbing somebody with an icicle.  Hardy-har-har.).  Zero laughs, zero scary parts, horrible acting that pissed me off, terrible camerawork that was made even worse by the ugly sets, shitty-looking snowman, dialogue so unpleasant that I would have liked the movie better if it had been in another language and without subtitles, Shannon Elizabeth so badly photographed that you could barely even tell how hot she is, slow pace, stupid story (even for a killer snowman movie!), ear-destroying Christmas music that made me want to barf.

I'm sure that some people out there like this film...but then again some people probably get sexual gratification from slamming their dick in the car door of an orange 1986 Ford Escort, so there is no accounting for taste.  As for me, I fucking hated pretty much every second of this film.  Some movies are so unfunny that they actually turn funny.  JACK FROST isn't one of those films.  It started out unfunny and remained unfunny until I passed out from blood loss.  Skip it.