Sunday, September 16, 2012


"Bring the hammer, Daddy."

The film opens with high school student Brent being asked to the prom by fellow student Lola. He replies sorry, he's going with his girlfriend. Wrong answer. The correct answer would have been to punch her in the face, dropkick her fourteen times, spray a full bottle of mace into her eyeballs and then put her in the Von Erich Iron Claw until the coppers shows up, cause that bitch is fucking cray. Later that afternoon, while walking over to his girlfriend's house, Brent is knocked out and wakes up tied to a chair sitting across the table from Lola and her father. The first thing they do is inject Drano into his neck to prevent him from screaming. It only gets worse off from there. Much worse.

THE LOVED ONES isn't the most original film ever, but what it lacks in originality and budget it makes up for in style and energetic actors, especially the chick who played Lola. She runs the full gambit of emotions in some of these scenes from shy to crazy to sad to angry to full-blown meltdown and back again. It's pretty impressive. She's still not as crazy as the scissor woman from INSIDE, but I damn sure wouldn't want to mess with her...except for maybe in the sack. Mmmm! She's like a mixed up version of a child beauty pageant mother and Chop-Top from TCM2.

If you like these types of films then check it out. I thought it was a lot of fun, even though I wish the story was fleshed out a little more.