THE HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW (1983)

A group of graduating seniors (who all look to be in their early 40's) throw an extremely stupid prank on their housemother and she ends up dying. Later that day, people start dropping like flies.

THE HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW is alright and definitely watchable, but it's just so dated and slow that I cannot imagine that modern audiences would give a fuck about this movie at all. A few tits, zero gore, zero original kills, zero wet t-shirt contests, a stupid story that's way too complicated, the Final Girl is annoying, the killer dresses like a harlequin.

Watch it if you want, but don't blame me if you fall asleep.

Remake - Sorority Row (2009)

BLOOD BEACH (1980)

[Update 09/06/2020: Deleted all of the shitty looking screenshots. Will fix it when I have time.]

Shitty movie. I paid $3 for a copy and I still got ripped off! I can't even imagine the amount of sadness and disappointment BLOOD BEACH caused back in the early 80's when teenagers hoping for some good weekend scares rented this turkey from their local neighborhood video store. Poor bastards.

People are disappearing left and right at a local beach in Los Angeles. The police aren't smart enough to actually put cops on patrol all along the beach, so people keep getting sucked into sinkholes. That's really about it. It's an alright idea, it worked great for TREMORS, but the people in charge here aren't the charming characters from TREMORS.  Instead we have way, way too much time wasted on following the police around.

If you're going to have a movie about a killer creature stalking the visitors of a beach why make it a boring public beach? Why not the beach of a exclusive sex resort?! That way you can have the greedy owners hiding the facts about the deaths and then have all the victims be the semi-naked and fully naked drunken sex tourists!!! Of course, you have to make them all extremely hot. Also, when a creature snatches a victim make it look like they're slowly being lowered into a giant blender with 200 gallons of blood and intestines spraying a hundred feet into the air.

Zero nudity, zero blood or gore, no attractive women, the world's most inept cops and a lame looking monster that's only onscreen for 5 seconds. Skip it.

SORORITY ROW (2009)

A group of six annoying sorority sisters pull an insanely stupid prank that unsurprisingly ends up killing somebody. The sisters hide the body and go on with their lives. A few months later, a mysterious killer (wearing a gratuation outfit of all things) shows up and starts killing people with a "pimped out" tire iron. Good grief. There's around 10 killings and they're all pretty average.

Overall, SORORITY ROW is not a good film, but it's just so dumb and cheesy that it's impossible not to giggle at it. Over the years I've watched this film like 5 times (if not more) and I always seem to enjoy it. It's just so dumb and innocent. A fun look back to cheesy 00's-era slashers.

A few super brief nude scenes.

Original - The House of Sorority Row (1983)