JURASSIC PARK (1993)

"I'm, I'm simply saying that life, uh... finds a way."

An eccentric billionaire hires some scientists to come check out his top secret (but soon to be open) island theme park. Once there, the scientists (Sam Neill, Laura Dern and Jeff Goldblum) are shown the top secret attraction: fucking dinosaurs! And lots of 'em. You got the tall ones with the long necks, the fat ones with the horns, the short ones with the legs and a T-Rex. Say again? We got a T-Rex. They also have Velociraptors. As exciting as all that sounds, it gets even more exciting when all the dinosaurs escape and start chasing the humans all over the joint. Eek!

Just like he did with JAWS and the first few Indiana Jones movies, Steven Spielberg creates an imaginary world filled with rich characters, visually attractive environments and action scenes are awesome!!! It's like reading an Robert McCammon novel. The action just piles up and piles up. It's rad.

I was fortunate enough to see JURASSIC PARK on the big screen a few weeks ago and I'd kinda forgotten how awesome this movie was. I had a lot of fun revisiting it and even though I knew how it was going to end I was still on the edge of my seat, especially during the raptor chase scenes. Holy fook. I was also really shocked at how well the special effects held up. JP is nearly 20 years old and the effects still look great.

If you've never seen JURASSIC PARK then I'm not even sure what to think, but you need to fix that shit as soon as possible.  Mandatory viewing for all movie lovers.

Part 2 - The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)
Part 3 - Jurassic Park III (2001)
Part 4 - Jurassic World (2015)
Part 5 - Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)
Part 6 - Jurassic World: Dominion (2021)

MY SCARY GIRL (2006)

SO I MARRIED AN AXE MURDERER it's not. I watched this thinking the title MY SCARY GIRL was a play on the great MY SASSY GIRL, but no it has nothing at all to do with that masterpiece. Instead it's a highly unfunny, laugh-free comedy about a complete loser dude who falls for his unattractive neighbor. Once together he discovers that she has a troubling past. Most of the trouble dealing with the fact she's killed a few people!

Somehow Mike Myers turned that exact same story into a hilarious movie way back in 1993, but this version is a complete turkey. Not only did I not laugh once, but about halfway through I started to seriously doubt that it was even a comedy. The "lotion" line from THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS was funnier than anything in this movie. Skip it with a vengeance and disown anybody who tells you it's funny.

My advise: if you're in the mood for a Korean romantic-comedy/drama watch MY SASSY GIRL instead.

It's not often the filmmakers put an actual page from the script up on the screen.

AMERICAN WEDDING (2003)

About two or three laughs and that's it. In the opening scene Jim pops the question to Willow and they decide it would be best to keep Stifler away from the wedding. Naturally that doesn't happen.

There's a number of things I don't like about this movie. First off, there's 8 (fucking eight!!!) characters missing. Including Nadia!!! This is just unacceptable. It'd be one thing if the movie was still funny, but it's not. The majority of the humor is just recycled jokes from the original. Even more distracting is Stifler's now borderline intellectual disability. He's literally become Doug from GHOST WORLD.

My biggest complaint is it doesn't have the intimate feel of the first two films. Part 3 feels more like an imitation than a continuation. AMERICAN WEDDING is worth watching once, just to keep up with the storyline, but I would never watch it again. That one stripper did get naked though.

Part 1 - American Pie (1999)
Part 2 - American Pie 2 (2001)
Part 4 - American Reunion (2012)