DARK SHADOWS (2012)

Johnny Depp plays a dude who back in 1760-something ran afoul of a witch (because he loved another woman) so she killed the woman, turned him into a vampire and locked him in a coffin.  Fast-forward 200 years and the witch is now running a fish cannery in the same town.  Some construction workers come across Depp's coffin.  He promptly kills them all then heads to his family home.  They still live there, so he moves in and sets to restoring his family to their former glory.  But before he can do that he first has to deal with the psychotic witch that is still in love with him.

I've never seen the TV show, so I have no idea what purists think, but the movie was alright.  On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd give it a solid 5.  The first half of the film is kind of funny in a fish-out-of-water/ AUSTIN POWERS kind of way, but then in the last act everything gets too serious.  Is this suppose to be comedy or a serious movie with comedy elements?  I have no idea.  There's funny stuff, but then innocent people get murdered and a dad leaves his son and a house gets burned down.  Then suddenly out of nowhere one of the characters turns into a half-werewolf for no reason at all.  What the fuck?  

Attractive females all over the joint, Alice Cooper cameo, Carpenters "Top of the World" montage, 70's humor, coffin jokes, Burton stylized sets and visuals, I wanted to like DARK SHADOWS and I did like pieces of it, but as a whole it's too unfocused.  Worth a one time watch, but that's it.

SILENT NIGHT (2012)

Terrible.  Why should I spend even more than one minute writing this review when it's obvious the makers of this stinker barely spent more than that coming up with the story?  Step 1) Small town. Step 2) Butthole in Santa suit going around killing people.  Step 3) The End.  Hey, look at me!  I'm a movie writer!!!

Lens flare overdose, weak story, unimaginative kills, boring looking Santa killer dude, poor acting by everybody (except for that cussing kid), nice looking picture, fancy cinematography that irritated me, unattractive nudity, lots and lots of talking.  Skip the fuck out of this turkey and never look back.  Alright minute's up.

 Hey, it's ol' girl from MR. HUSH.  I hate the fact that I know that.

 This kid's brief foul-mouthed appearance was the highlight of the movie.  They should make a movie about her and Tyler from FISH TANK.

THE WEST POINT STORY (1950)

One year after brutalizing Virginia Mayo in WHITE HEAT James Cagney teams up with her again and this time they're a musical couple (he's a Broadway director and she's his assistant) hired to help put on a show at West Point.  Stuff happens and next thing you know 51-year-old Cagney is a cadet at West Point!  And if that's not bad enough his lead star falls in love with Doris Day and wants to quit so he can marry her.

I got a kick out of THE WEST POINT STORY...at least the first two acts.  Towards the end it gets a little bogged down in the patriotism/love conquers all stuff but even then it's not as bad as you would expect.  Through out it all though Cagney is excellent.  His one-liners were funny, his facial expressions perfect and his physicality hilarious (I especially liked his angry jumps and his happy dance that looked like Porky Pig).  And let's not forget Virginia Mayo and Doris Day.  Both beautiful and both a joy to watch...and listen to as well.  Doris Day blows all the other singers out of the water.  I was also surprised by Virginia's amazing dancing skills.  I had no idea she was so talented!

Not the greatest musical I've ever seen (SINGIN' IN THE RAIN), but still a lot of fun to watch and I would gladly watch it again.  Recommended.

Skipper!