Sunday, July 26, 2009

MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN (2008)

What is the point of this movie? Does it even take place in our universe or in some alternate reality where retarded shit is commonplace? From what I can tell there's this "midnight" train that leaves every night at 2:06 A.M. (what? that's not midnight!) and every night this dude attacks the last few passengers with a large hammer until CGI blood shoots out all over the place. The train drives on to a hidden location then the driver and the killer feed the corpses to some generic looking monsters. Why? What? How? What the fuck? That's stupid. Wouldn't you think the police would become interested when the same train has multiple disappearances every fucking night?! Yeah, there's this one lone copper that's in cahoots with the murderers, but how can she cover up the hundreds of murders all by herself?

Alright lets just forget the ignorant story for a minute and concentrate on the violence...it sucks. The killer never says a word and his only facial expression is the "I'm trying to hold in a giant fart" expression. He has zero screen presence and he's not scary. Also his weapon is stupid: a giant shiny hammer!  Jason from FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 3 would slaughter the fuck out of this guy in 5 seconds!

Honestly I cannot think of any reason to ever watch this movie. It's unoriginal, slow and has no personality. There is nothing here that you haven't already seen before.