Monday, September 14, 2009

TURBULENCE 3: HEAVY METAL (2001)

[Update 12/27/2020: Going to watch this entire series and then fix this review.]
 
A 12th-rate Marilyn Manson impersonator is going to perform his unique brand of shit rock on a airplane for some of his ugliest fans and also live on the internet. After the first few (horrible) songs the lead singer dude goes to the restroom (possibly to take a giant dump) and is knocked out and replaced by a Satanist that is hellbent on taking over the plane and wrecking it into a small church in Kansas because he believes that that will bring on the Antichrist.

Back on earth, an FBI agent just happens to arrest a hacker at the exact moment he gains access to the rock guy's website video feed, so together, they figure out that the plane is under terrorist control and then they contact (via more hacking) the real rock star and talk him into being Harrison Ford from AIR FORCE ONE.  Here's a classic line from the movie: "Let me get this straight, Kate: you want the hacker you went to arrest to virtually guide the rock star through the plane so that he can overpower the armed, Satanic hijackers?" Honestly, I need to quit my job and start writing movie scripts. Cuz there's no way, no way that I would write anything worst than that!

The whole thing is just so ridiculous and full of holes that you can't help but just laugh your ass off. I watched this with some friends and we laughed and giggled like fucking idiots. But I can only image that watching it alone would be torture. 
 
Part 1 - Turbulence (1997) 
Part 2 - Turbulence 2: Fear of Flying (1999)
 
What a hacker might look like.

What a rock concert might look like.

What a dork might look like.

What a...what the fuck is that?!!