Monday, September 14, 2009

TURBULENCE 3: HEAVY METAL (2001)

I don't even know if there is a TURBULENCE 1 or 2 and after watching part 3 I don't care to ever find out. A 12th-rate Marilyn Manson ripoff is going to perform his brand of shit rock on a airplane for some of his ugliest fans and also live on the internets. After the first few (horrible) songs the lead singer dude goes to the shitter and is knocked out and replaced by a Satanist that is hellbent on taking over the plane and wrecking it into a small church in Kansas because he believes that that will bring on the Antichrist.

Down on earth there's an FBI agent chick who just happens to arrest a hacker at the moment he gets access to the rock guy's website video feed, so together they figure out that the plane is under terrorist control and then they contact (via more hacking) the real rock star and talk him into being Harrison Ford from AIR FORCE ONE. Here's a classic line from the movie: "Let me get this straight, Kate: you want the hacker you went to arrest to virtually guide the rock star through the plane so that he can overpower the armed, Satanic hijackers?" Honestly, I need to quit my job and start writing movie scripts. There's no way, no way that I would write anything worst than that!

The whole thing is just so ridiculous and full of holes that you can't help but just laugh your ass off. I watched this with some friends and we laughed and giggled like fucking idiots. But I can only image that watching it alone would be fucking torture.
What a hacker might look like.

What a rock concert might look like.

What a dork might look like.

What a...what the fuck is that?!!