Monday, November 30, 2009

JUNIOR (1985)

I saw this in the Horror Section at my local video store and with the chainsaw cover plus the reference to Freddy and Leatherface I can see why they put it there, but once I started watching it I quickly figured out this is not horror at all. It's more like a live action hillbilly version of a Roadrunner and Coyote cartoon. I'm serious!

The opening scene shows two 80's chicks with massive 80's hair and misshapen 80's bodies being released from prison. For hookerin', I guess. Two seconds after they walk out the gates this pimp dude in a huge car tries to run them over on the sidewalk. He jumps out of the car slaps and punches the women around then pours a bag of coke on the hood of the car and starts slamming one of the  chick's face into the coke!!! That's fucking awesome and easily the highlight of the movie, but unfortunately we still have 80 minutes left. So the chick stabs the pimp in the nose and then they steal his car and the pile of money he just happened to be in the car.

They end up in some small town and after the Sheriff threatens them John Rambo-style they decide to buy a half dilapidated building on a lake and make a sandwich stand out of it! That makes zero sense cause this building appears to be in the middle of nowhere and to make matters worse all of the locals are a bunch of inbred rapists.

So for the next 60+ minutes it's just one attempted rape or assault scene after the next. After awhile it becomes humorous, cause these two chicks just keep going on about their business of fixing up the building even though they are constantly being attacked. It's retarded.

Overall it's a terrible movie, but at the same time I laughed quite a bit, so it wasn't a total loss. If you do decide to watch this turd then you should at least have a drinking game...every time there's shot of one of the chick's asses or they get attacked then take a swig. You'll be fucked up quick!