Tuesday, March 2, 2010


[Update 6/28/17: It's been far too long since I revisited this movie. I really need to redo this entire review.]

The movie opens with various examples of torture used in China back in the day. The one where the guy is in so much pain he literally jumps out of his own skin was pretty surprising! After that the police are called to the home of Little Cabbage who's husband just died of "penis explosion". Yikes! They find a prescription for a high powered aphrodisiac and piece together that she was working with the druggist (who she's in love with) to kill her husband. She claims that she's innocent (she is, she's been framed), but the crooked judge is determined to get her to confess and he'll use every act of torture available to get her to plead guilty.

The reason Little Cabbage was married in the first place is she used to be the servant for the druggist's wife, but the wife was jealous of Little Cabbage's beauty and while the druggist was out of town she quickly forced Little Cabbage to marry a guy with a huge dick! This thing's so massive it can knock over furniture.

That story sounds serious and I guess it is, but all of the cringe-worthy torture scenes are offset by the non-torture scenes which are completely wacky and often pretty funny. Example: there are two "heroes" who live out in the woods and do nothing but kung-fu fuck nonstop. They knock over trees and fly through the air jackhammer fucking like psychopaths. One time the dude busts a nut and his jizz actually starts a fire!!

ACTCS is definitely not for everybody but if you enjoy the crazier side of Cinema then you must check this movie out.  There's a fair amount of tits and the main actress Yvonne Yung Hung is beautiful! I have no idea how somebody as pretty as her even got hooked up in a crazy movie like this, but I'm glad she did, cause she is a joy to watch.

Some of the tortures shown: tying bare chested male to burning oven; dick sliced off and replaced with feather; buried in dirt then scalp sliced open and a boiling liquid poured in; fingers crushed; fingernails ripped out; wood under fingernails; suspended by head and weights added to waist; placed on wooden donkey and then violated with a giant wooden dildo while being paraded around town; raped with dildo; tits crushed; calves crushed; made to walk on knees across broken pottery; made to role nude across giant bed of pins and other stuff.

Oh yea, I nearly forgot, there's a brief side story about an invisible rapist who wants to rape Little Cabbage, but ends up raping her husband's mouth instead! Hahahahahahaha! Who thinks of this shit!?

Double feature this with SEX AND CHOPSTICKS.

Part 2