Monday, May 31, 2010

SEEDPEOPLE (1992)

How much you enjoy SEEDPEOPLE will depend on how many friends you have with you. If you have a few friends then it's gonna be a fucking blast! If you're alone and sober it'll probably suck a stack of duck dicks.

Mixing 90% INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS, 15% CRITTERS 2, 12% "The Tommyknockers" and 4% "The Colour Out of Space" SEEDPEOPLE is the exciting at first and then boring for a long time story about a small secluded town that is suddenly taken over by seeds from outer space that's turning the locals into some sort of alien creatures.

It's pretty goddamn shitty, but there are a few snappy lines thrown in. My favorites: "What in the ding-dong-heck-a-ma doodle-hell is going on here?", "That stuff's stronger than five tons of monkey piss!" and "Plants are the most cunning and savage of all life forms!"

If you are extremely bored (or you have friends around!) it's worth a watch, but don't expect too much. Nobody get's naked by the way and that sucks cause the main female was kinda good looking...

Sunday, May 30, 2010

DIRTY MARY CRAZY LARRY (1974)

Peter Fonda and another guy rob a grocery story of two big bags of money and end up with a stowaway: some slut Peter banged the night before. She refuses to leave so they're forced to bring her along as they outrun every cop in the county. That's pretty much it. Lots of tires peeling out, cars jumping shit, cop cars wrecking into shit and tons of dirt kicked up in the air. It's a lot of fun and the ending was great.

The main appeal though, to me, was Peter Fonda. He eats up the screen and demands your attention. Very charismatic motherfucker. My favorite line: “Every bone in her crotch. That’s what I’m gonna break.” also "Yeah, yeah. So we got off to a bad start. Well ya' know what it means when somebody like me gets off to a bad start? Not a Goddamn thing."

Fun movie and it's fast paced enough that you'll never get bored. If you like lots of car chasing action then this is a movie for you!
Crew visible in reflection off door.

Boom mic hanging way down! Holy shit!

Boom mic reflection in window.

Entire crew visible in reflection off his glasses.

THE SLAMMIN' SALMON (2009)

I didn't even know Broken Lizard had a new movie! Did this thing even play at the theater? I just ran across it completely by accident and I'm glad I did cause it's hilarious!

One of my favorite sub-genres of movies, if that's even the right term, is when a movie takes place entirely inside one room or one area. Kinda like ARSENIC AND OLD LACE or REAR WINDOW. Well, this entire movie takes place inside a restaurant called The Slammin' Salmon. It's called that cause it's owned by a retired heavyweight boxer called Cleon Salmon. Anyway he lost a bet with the head of the Japanese yukaza and he has to come up with $20,000 by tomorrow. So he offers his wait staff a reward of $10,000 to the person who can sell the most that night. Yea, taking 10 away from 20 doesn't really add up to 20, but this guy isn't very smart. Anyway, when the wait staff hears this news they go fucking crazy and will do anything, anything, to win.

This is a great idea for a movie and minus all the crude humor it actually reminds me a lot of the old 30's screwball comedies. I say check it out, you'll definitely get some good laughs out of it and some great quotes.
Lance Henriksen!

Friday, May 28, 2010

ZOMBABIES (2008)

I don't know if this was a student film or what, but 9 minutes is the perfect length for it. Actually 5 would have been better. Maybe 2 1/2.

Shot entirely on makeshift props and green screen, an annoying yenta is 5 hours late for her daycare job looking after babies. She promptly plants all the children in front of a television and then retires to the kitchen to smoke some weed. She calls the guy she one night standed the night before to ask his name and to see if he's interested in coming over for some pussy. While he's on his way over the babies turn into zombies by means of a television/cell phone spread virus and they attack him as soon as he walks in the door. The yenta walks in, rips the head off of one baby then uses another to break the glass on the emergency chainsaw (hardy-har-har). She then kills some of the babies with the chainsaw. The End.

If this was a YouTube video I would have never even finished it, but since it came all professional looking in a fancy DVD case I was fooled into thinking this was a full-length movie and even paid $2.75 to rent it. Baby buttfucking Jesus, I got ripped off!!!!

I cannot think of any reason whatsoever to watch this movie. Skip it with a vengeance.
Where did the case go?

The emergency chainsaw case is not on the wall.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

GOTH (2008)

Why was this movie made? When I saw this DVD titled GOTH sitting on the shelf in the New Releases Japan section at my local video store I nearly lost my mind. A horror movie about Japanese Goth Girls!!!! That's gotta be the greatest idea of all time! Sadly though there are no goths at all in this movie. WTF? It's just a lame murder mystery about a serial killer who's chopping off normal girl's left hand and leaving the corpses in artistic settings. Interesting idea, but the lame part comes when a emotionless teenage boy teams up with an emotionless teenage girl to study (not catch) the murderer. Somehow within just a few days they've got more clues than the police including the murderers personal notebook/diary that details everything...even the location of a corpse that hasn't been discovered yet!!! Give me a fucking break!

Anyway, [SPOILERS!!!] they find out who the killer is and don't do shit. In the end the girl tells the boy about how she had a twin sister who died in a morbid suicide game they used to play when they were little. OK.

[End of SPOILERS!!!]Skip this movie. It's boring, the story ultimately goes nowhere and the actors are all lifeless. Worst of all is the overcontrast way the entire movie was shot. I hated it. I'm not sure what the director was going for, but he failed.
The entire movie was shot in this extreme overcontrast way.

Best shot of the movie.


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

ROCK N ROLL HIGH SCHOOL (1979)

A movie about The Ramones...so how can it not be great?!

The students of Vince Lombardi High School have a new principal, Principal Togar, she's a total hard ass and worst of all: she hates rock n roll!  Especially The Ramones!!! Well #1 Ramones fan, Riff Randell, just happens to be a student and she's extremely stoked cause The Ramones are coming in concert and this is her big chance to give them the song she wrote for them, "Rock N Roll High School". Unfortunately she missed three days from school while waiting in line for tickets to the concert so Principal Togar confiscates Riff ticket! Riff ends up winning a ticket through a radio contest, goes to the concert and gives Joey her song which he loves.

The next day Principal Togar is burning a pile of Ramones records at the high school when The Ramones show up and with all of the students help they take over the school and start rocking out.

I have no idea how many times I've seen this movie, but it's easily in the dozens and now that the Blu-Ray is out I'm going to watch it a bunch more! If you haven't seen it then you've gotta fix that shit! Buy a copy right now!
I really like her hair.

Did they really need a stunt double for that?!

Enlarge the picture...that's not even a real camera! LOL.