Monday, May 31, 2010


How much you enjoy SEEDPEOPLE will depend on how many friends you have with you. If you have a few friends then it's gonna be a fucking blast! If you're alone and sober it'll probably suck a stack of duck dicks.

Mixing 90% INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS, 15% CRITTERS 2, 12% "The Tommyknockers" and 4% "The Colour Out of Space" SEEDPEOPLE is the exciting at first and then boring for a long time story about a small secluded town that is suddenly taken over by seeds from outer space that's turning the locals into some sort of alien creatures.

It's pretty goddamn shitty, but there are a few snappy lines thrown in. My favorites: "What in the ding-dong-heck-a-ma doodle-hell is going on here?", "That stuff's stronger than five tons of monkey piss!" and "Plants are the most cunning and savage of all life forms!"

If you are extremely bored (or you have friends around!) it's worth a watch, but don't expect too much. Nobody get's naked by the way and that sucks cause the main female was kinda good looking...

Friday, May 28, 2010


I don't know if this was a student film or what, but 9 minutes is the perfect length for it. Actually 5 would have been better. Maybe 2 1/2.

Shot entirely on makeshift props and green screen, an annoying yenta is 5 hours late for her daycare job looking after babies. She promptly plants all the children in front of a television and then retires to the kitchen to smoke some weed. She calls the guy she one night standed the night before to ask his name and to see if he's interested in coming over for some pussy. While he's on his way over the babies turn into zombies by means of a television/cell phone spread virus and they attack him as soon as he walks in the door. The yenta walks in, rips the head off of one baby then uses another to break the glass on the emergency chainsaw (hardy-har-har). She then kills some of the babies with the chainsaw. The End.

If this was a YouTube video I would have never even finished it, but since it came all professional looking in a fancy DVD case I was fooled into thinking this was a full-length movie and even paid $2.75 to rent it. Baby buttfucking Jesus, I got ripped off!!!!

I cannot think of any reason whatsoever to watch this movie. Skip it with a vengeance.
Where did the case go?

The emergency chainsaw case is not on the wall.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

GOTH (2008)

Why was this movie made? When I saw this DVD titled GOTH sitting on the shelf in the New Releases Japan section at my local video store I nearly lost my mind. A horror movie about Japanese Goth Girls!!!! That's gotta be the greatest idea of all time! Sadly though there are no goths at all in this movie. WTF? It's just a lame murder mystery about a serial killer who's chopping off normal girl's left hand and leaving the corpses in artistic settings. Interesting idea, but the lame part comes when a emotionless teenage boy teams up with an emotionless teenage girl to study (not catch) the murderer. Somehow within just a few days they've got more clues than the police including the murderers personal notebook/diary that details everything...even the location of a corpse that hasn't been discovered yet!!! Give me a fucking break!

Anyway, [SPOILERS!!!] they find out who the killer is and don't do shit. In the end the girl tells the boy about how she had a twin sister who died in a morbid suicide game they used to play when they were little. OK.

[End of SPOILERS!!!]Skip this movie. It's boring, the story ultimately goes nowhere and the actors are all lifeless. Worst of all is the overcontrast way the entire movie was shot. I hated it. I'm not sure what the director was going for, but he failed.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


A movie about The how can it not be great?!

The students of Vince Lombardi High School have a new principal, Principal Togar, she's a total hard ass and worst of all: she hates rock n roll!  Especially The Ramones!!! Well #1 Ramones fan, Riff Randell, just happens to be a student and she's extremely stoked cause The Ramones are coming in concert and this is her big chance to give them the song she wrote for them, "Rock N Roll High School". Unfortunately she missed three days from school while waiting in line for tickets to the concert so Principal Togar confiscates Riff ticket! Riff ends up winning a ticket through a radio contest, goes to the concert and gives Joey her song which he loves.

The next day Principal Togar is burning a pile of Ramones records at the high school when The Ramones show up and with all of the students help they take over the school and start rocking out.

I have no idea how many times I've seen this movie, but it's easily in the dozens and now that the Blu-Ray is out I'm going to watch it a bunch more! If you haven't seen it then you've gotta fix that shit! Buy a copy right now!
Did they really need a stunt double for that?!

That's not even a real camera! LOL.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


R. Lee Ermey is a Sgt. Maj. in charge of a squad of soldiers. While on patrol they go to a village they've visited many times before and even befriended the locals. When they walk in they find out everybody's dead. Most have had their heads cut off and rammed on stakes, the children are in a big pile and a bunch of the women have been raped out. This angers Ermey so they go off looking for answers and end up killing a bunch of undercover VC. After that they head to their destination: Firebase Gloria. It ain't shit, just a series of trenches on top of a small hill, but they have to protect it...from the 2,000 plus zipperheads that's barreling down on them!

As a young whippersnapper who was nowhere close to even being alive during the Vietnam War, I have no idea how accurate any of this movie is, but it seemed pretty accurate to me. Either way it's a good movie and my only complaint was the budget was too low. More money would have made the action scenes a little bit better.

If you can find a copy I say check it out! R Lee is worth the price of admission alone! He even tells a guy he's gonna to step on his dick. Hahahahaha!!!
R. Lee holding two severed heads!

Hey, it's that guy from "Twin Peaks" and "Six Feet Under"!