SAVE THE TIGER (1973)

Jack Lemmon is a man pushed to the edge. He's a WWII vet haunted with the guilt of being alive when so many of his buddies died. What did he do with his life? The life that his buddies didn't get to live. Did he become a baseball player like he so innocently dreamed of as a child? Did he find a woman who would fill his life with love and happiness? No, he started a clothing factory, a pretty successful one, but now due to some financial acrobatics he's secretly broke and unless he comes up with a whole lot of money before the IRS audits him he's gonna go to jail, his factory closed and everybody put out of a job. But that's not all of his problems.

The first few times I saw SAVE THE TIGER I knew it was a great film, but it wasn't until the third time that I realized that it was a masterpiece. Billy Wilder was obviously smarter than me cause the first time he saw it it said "There's only one problem with that movie: I didn't direct it." That's a hell of a compliment coming from a master like Wilder, but I'm actually happy that he didn't direct this film because it's absolutely perfect the way it is. I think with his name attached the studios would have raised the budget and interfered too much. As it was the budget was only a million dollars and that budget restraint actually helped the film, I think, because it forced the filmmakers (kinda like the Hays Code back in the late 1930's) to become more creative, not in a moral sense, but in a artistic sense to make the film completely 100% off of the studio lot and out on the streets with regular buildings using real people in the background and normal street noises and natural lighting. It doesn't even feel like you're watching a movie, but almost like you secretly peaking into people's private lives filled with hidden demons, false faces and very real fears.

I cannot recommend this movie enough (if you like good movies). It's my 373rd review on Happyotter, but only the 3rd movie that I've added to my Best Movies List. It really is that good. Jack Lemmon gives one of the best performances in the history of cinema and director John G. Avildsen would go on to direct ROCKY and THE KARATE KID. Highly recommended, especially if you're interested in learning how to make movies.

[SPOILER!!!] I've heard some people question the title, SAVE THE TIGER. During one scene a man mentions that there's only a 500 or so tiger left in the world. They are a dying breed. Later the young woman Myra mentions that tigers are known to return to a place of beauty and that's how hunters capture (or kill) them. At one point Lemmon looks at a poster of a tiger and his reflection is cast in the glass. Lemmon is a dying breed and it is only when he's alone or relaxed that he starts dreaming of playing baseball when he was a child. At the end of the movie after he tells the arsonist to never mention his partner he goes to the park to watch the children playing baseball. He is returning to a place of beauty because he knows that his days are numbered and if the police don't get him or the IRS don't get him that his mind is finally going to crack from all of the pressure/guilt.

That's at least my take on the title.

Look at the pollution in the background. You can barely even see that skyscraper!

William Hansen

NIGHT OF THE DEMONS (2009)

How much you like or dislike this movie will probably depend on what you think about the original. Personally I think remaking NIGHT OF THE DEMONS is fucking blasphemy, but still I went into it with an open mind hoping for the best. And was it better than the original? Not even fucking close! To be fair though this film isn't even a true remake: outside of the title, an old creepy house with demons in it and a 5 second cameo by Linnea Quigley this movie has very little to do with the original. Pretty much nothing. It didn't even have the "Eat a bowl of fuck!" line in it for (bowl of) fuck's sake.

Seven annoying assholes (who couldn't die fast enough) get locked in an old abandoned mansion on Halloween night then finally after 30 minutes of boring build up the demons attack and it's actually entertaining! Not because the story or the shitty special effects are any good, but because Edward Furlong goes fucking nuts and starts screaming obscenities almost nonstop. He actually had one of the most realistic reactions to seeing a demon that I've ever seen in a movie: he freaks the fuck out and runs out of the room screaming "Shit, shit, shit shit!!!". LOL. It was pretty funny and exactly the same reaction I would have. If the rest of the movie had been as funny as those few minutes this would have been a much better movie.

Very little gore, cheesy (in a bad way) action, annoying cast (except for Furlong's overacting), music video stylizing overdose and zero respect given to the original. I say fuck this turd and just watch the original again. Good for a rental only.

If you need me I'll be in my room praying to Satan that nobody thinks of remaking NIGHT OF THE CREEPS.

OPEN SEASON (1974)

Peter Fonda, Richard (INVASION U.S.A.) Lynch and some other guy are three assholes who kidnap two complete pussies (one male, one female) and take them up to a secluded cabin in the woods to torment and hunt them. The boring build up and torment part lasts until the 65 minute mark then finally, fucking finally they start the hunt and...it's totally lame. No exciting chase scenes, no traps, no wild animal encounters, nobody getting a squirrel launched up their butt by a hand grenade explosion, nothing just a bunch of running around the cabin shooting at each other. I've seen better shootouts on reruns of "The A-Team".

If there wasn't going to be any action the filmmakers could have at least poured on the sleaze to make the time go by faster but no. Instead of long torture scenes we have long, torturous scenes of Fonda and pals stumbling around drunk and talking all on top of each other nonstop. Even worse, the two victims don't even try to fight despite the fact that their captors are continually drunk and there's weapons all over the cabin!

Almost zero violence, very brief low quality nudity, zero gore, zero suspense. I think the only reason this film was even made is because everybody wanted a nice paid vacation on a beautiful country lake. Skip it.

Also William Holden is literally on screen for less than a minute.

PREDATORS (2010)

Twenty years from now people will still be talking about how badass the original PREDATOR was. Twenty weeks from now nobody will remember PREDATORS was even made.

Eight hunters from Earth are kidnapped and dropped off in a huge rain forest planet where three Predators hunt them. The End. That's about it. Whatever you're imagining happened during the hunt is probably better than what actually happened. And I'm completely serious about that too because I've read fanfiction online that had a better story than this lazy, predictable snoozer.

I had high hopes for this movie, since I love the original so much, but after watching it I found the entire thing so soulless and bland that I don't even know what to say about it. It's boring and it sucked. That about sums it up. Skip it with a vengeance.

I also really disliked all the little winks to the original (minigun, "ugly motherfucker", Little Richard song). How about skip trying to be clever and instead concentrate on making a fucking movie with some actual tension and adding depth to the characters so the audience might actually give a fuck if they die or not?

I would have been interested to see what Chan-wook Park or Jee-woon Kim could have done with this story.

Predator dogs? Give me a fucking break! Pinhead's dog in HELLRAISER: BLOODLINE would kick this dog's ass.

The coolest part of the movie was this gun's muzzle flash.

SPLICE (2009)

This movie could have gone one of two ways: the sex comedy (think REPLI-KATE); the high road about scientists creating a human/animal hybrid then debating a lot about the moral ramifications of human cloning/DNA splicing or the low road where a team of scientists decide to remake PROJECT: METALBEAST and create a monster for no other reason than to kill everyfuckingbody in gruesome ways! Sadly SPLICE goes the high road route and all of the killing and murdering and human/duck-billed platypus/giraffe/goldfish/cockroach/hummingbird/unicorn/chameleon/octopus monster bathing in human entrails never happens. That doesn't mean SPLICE isn't a good movie though, just a mildly interesting then boring one.

Genetic engineers Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley secretly create a funky looking creature from a bunch of different animals. It's very cute at first. I just wanted to hug it! Then it quickly grows up into a freaky woman creature that just hangs around all day doing nothing. Finally towards the end of movie it finally freaks out and wrecks some shit, but by this point I'd already let out a few really loud yawns that made my cats laugh.

I appreciate the filmmakers trying to make an intelligent horror film, but sometimes the audience just wants a bunch of blood and guts. Worth watching if it comes on cable or something, but I wouldn't waste my time renting it.

[Minor SPOILER ahead!] The scene where Adrien Brody had sex with Dren was silly and completely unbelievable. I mean, just a few weeks earlier she was some formless Chicken McNugget-looking blob (a Mutant McNugget?) and he even tried to kill her now just suddenly BAM! he's down to fuck? It don't buy it. I know Sarah Polley has gotten a little long in the tooth since the DAWN OF THE DEAD remake but come on! It would have been more believable if Dren had escaped (with a wig) then came across some drunk hunter in the woods or something. Even better yet, when she was still very young looking have her kidnapped by a psychotic child molester who rapes her then before he knows it she grows up, changes into a dude and pumps him in the butt! That would have been more exciting than her hanging around a barn for half the film.

Gettin' some of that mutant pussy!

SEDUCED AND ABANDONED (1964)

SEDUCED AND ABANDONED is Pietro Germi's follow-up to DIVORCE - ITALIAN STYLE. It looks a lot like DIS and has some of the same actors, but it's not a sequel. And even though it does have some very funny parts it's not a comedy, more of a dark satire about family honor and the Italian society's gender based double standard when it comes to sex.

A fifteen year-old girl played by Stefania Sandrelli (remember her from DIS?) is forcefully seduced by her older sister's fiancee. Now she's pregnant and when her father finds out...holy shit. He freaks the fuck and beats the shit out of her and locks her in her room. He confronts the scoundrel who knocked her up and demands that he marries Stefania, but he says no because she's no longer a virgin!!! After this an even bigger feud erupts and before long the entire town is involved. It's chaos. Wonderful chaos.

If you liked DIVORCE - ITALIAN STYLE then you must watch this movie. It's a lot like it. My only complaint is the ending. It's too abrupt and doesn't give the viewer any closure. Everything it going along great bam, bam, bam then The End. That's just a small complaint though. Don't let it stop you from watching it.

THE APARTMENT (1960)

Jack Lemmon (in one of his best performances and that's saying something!) has an apartment that he allows his superiors at work to use as a fuck shack, remember this is in the day of hotel detectives. He hopes all of this trouble will get him a promotion. It does, but it also plays hell with his personal life especially when he finds out that his slimy boss has been droppin' loads all over the girl he has a crush on in his own bed! What a fucking shitty life. Lemmon has practically sold his soul to Greed, but despite all this he's still secretly in love with the girl. What a sap.

The script by Billy Wilder and I.A.L. Diamond is brilliant and the performances by everybody, especially Lemmon and MacMurray are perfect, but yet I don't think this film should have beaten out PSYCHO for the Best Picture Academy Award, not that PSYCHO was even nominated! THE APARTMENT is a really good film and notable for it's openness about suicide and adultery, but it to me it hasn't stood up to the test of time as good as PSYCHO (especially the sappy ending) and it doesn't have the same rewatchability value. PSYCHO on the other hand I watch probably twice a month.

Touching performance by Lemmon, strong script with some excellent dialogue, beautiful b&w photography and most shocking of all: Shirley MacLaine was actually attractive back in the day. Holy shit!

Ray Walston!!!