POLICE ACADEMY 6: CITY UNDER SIEGE (1989)

The city is plagued by a crime wave. And by “crime wave” I mean stuff like three dudes walking up to a closed store, opening the door and then casually walking out with some fur coats. It’s exciting stuff. So anyway, the mayor puts together a highly-skilled team of morons (led by Commandant Lassard) to solve the case.

At this point in the series I can’t understand how these movies still had an audience. The acting seems to be geared towards children, there’s zero nudity anymore, the stories are dumb as shit, the characters are all soulless caricatures, the photography is bland and worst of all is none of it is even remotely funny! For example: everywhere that Callahan goes (the gym, jogging, on patrol) there's a group of leering cavemen staring her down, following her and offering to fuck. Like how is that even remotely funny? Haha, implied sexual assault, that’s what people want to see in a comedy! I was also confused as to why Tackleberry had to drive a monster truck during a chase scene? Like he was literally running over people’s cars! Are the people still in the cars? Even if they manage to get out, you’re still crushing people’s whips in order to catch a thief. The lawsuits that resulted from that must have been astronomical! “Yes, Your Honor, I know I crushed seven people to death, including two infants, and a dog, but I was chasing a dude who stole a fur coat.”

Anyway, dumb story, weak acting, that one dude still making annoying noises (and still not funny), two newspapers with the same sentences in them, a movie theater with a poster for 1979's HOT STUFF, the same old jokes (that were barely even funny in the first film) still being recycled, one dude running so fast that his shoes started smoking, Proctor still hanging around being irritating.

When I started reviewing this series I was excited, but while I’m still curious about them, this shit is getting tedious. Like how could something so unfunny keep getting made?

Part 1 - Police Academy (1984)
Part 2 - Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985)
Part 3 - Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986)
Part 4 - Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987)
Part 5 - Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988)
Part 7 - Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (1994)

IT'S ALIVE III: ISLAND OF THE ALIVE (1987)

As if there already wasn't enough misery in the world, back in 1987 the people behind the It's Alive films decided to curse humanity with yet another installment of their terrible series.  This time around, five mutant babies are abandoned on a deserted island.  Of course, stupid humans just can't keep away and eventually the five (now much larger) babies escape the island on a stolen boat.  They land near a boardwalk in Florida and start wreckin' shit.  But sadly not enough shit to keep me interested.  IT'S ALIVE III: ISLAND OF THE ALIVE was absolute torture from beginning to end.  Watching it ruined my whole day.  I was in a pretty good mood before starting the film, but 90-something minutes later when the end credits finally started rolling I just stood up, gave the TV the bird with both hands, yelled "That was a fuck movie!!!" and went to bed.  I didn't even brush my teeth.  That's just fucking gross.

I could say more about this film (about the slow pace, cheesy special effects, horrible acting, goofy dialogue, etc.), but honestly watching this series was a huge mistake and just want to move on with my life.  So let my anguish be an example to you and please just avoid them all.  If you need me, hopefully, I'll be in my room watching something good.  I guess we'll find out whenever I post my next review.

Part 1 - It's Alive (1974)
Part 2 - It Lives Again (1978)
Remake - It's Alive (2008)

The same weird wallpaper appears in Part 1.

Is that a glittery Twisted Sister logo on that jacket?