BIG MAN ON CAMPUS (1989)

This shit didn’t click with me. Long-story short, there’s a fully-grown adult dude living in a clock tower at a large university in Los Angeles. He’s hairier than Cousin Itt’s left nut and spends all of his time watching a female student by the name of Cathy. Shit happens and he swings down on a rope to break up a fight involving her. Dude is taken into custody and instead of being place under state care, he’s released under the supervision of the university. Naturally, the school assigns a single student, Cathy’s boyfriend and full-time Steve Guttenberg impersonator, Alex to watch over ol’ boy 24 / 7. Makes sense.

I don’t know, I’m already bored with this review. Ends up the dude’s name is Bob Maloogaloogaloogaloogalooga (hardy-har-har, isn’t that funny?!) and the reason he was in the tower is because when he was a little child his father abandoned him, then his mom died and some people abused him and he ran away and was homeless forever. Wow, that’s a really great story for a comedy. Nothing funnier than life-destroying child abuse.

Okay pacing, weak story, zero nudity, zero gore, one joke that was later used in ZOOLANDER (the "center for ants" bit), a drink called "TEAM (Decaf)" (I have no idea what that is, some sort of coffee I guess), the dudes hump is never explained and barely even mentioned, no cursing, disappointing ending, a cop car arriving twice. Another thing that bothered me about this film was how boring the college setting was. Usually when a movie is filmed on a college campus you get to see some interesting fashions and people (or maybe even a dude with a clapperboard!), but in BIG MAN ON CAMPUS it was really bland. Even the mall scene was weak.

I’m sure there are tens of billions of thousands of people out there who love this movie, I just found the entire thing to be lifeless and dull. Also, Bob Maloogaloogaloogaloogalooga's voice was really annoying. Watch it if you want.

[This has nothing to do with the review, but this story was told again in the blu-ray extras. Like, the whole story is confusing because how much did this movie cost? And did it even make money? Why would somebody turn down a million dollars (in 1980's money) to not do something?]

POLICE ACADEMY 6: CITY UNDER SIEGE (1989)

The city is plagued by a crime wave. And by “crime wave” I mean stuff like three dudes walking up to a closed store, opening the door and then casually walking out with some fur coats. It’s exciting stuff. So anyway, the mayor puts together a highly-skilled team of morons (led by Commandant Lassard) to solve the case.

At this point in the series I can’t understand how these movies still had an audience. The acting seems to be geared towards children, there’s zero nudity anymore, the stories are dumb as shit, the characters are all soulless caricatures, the photography is bland and worst of all is none of it is even remotely funny! For example: everywhere that Callahan goes (the gym, jogging, on patrol) there's a group of leering cavemen staring her down, following her and offering to fuck. Like how is that even remotely funny? Haha, implied sexual assault, that’s what people want to see in a comedy! I was also confused as to why Tackleberry had to drive a monster truck during a chase scene? Like he was literally running over people’s cars! Are the people still in the cars? Even if they manage to get out, you’re still crushing people’s whips in order to catch a thief. The lawsuits that resulted from that must have been astronomical! “Yes, Your Honor, I know I crushed seven people to death, including two infants, and a dog, but I was chasing a dude who stole a fur coat.”

Anyway, dumb story, weak acting, that one dude still making annoying noises (and still not funny), two newspapers with the same sentences in them, a movie theater with a poster for 1979's HOT STUFF, the same old jokes (that were barely even funny in the first film) still being recycled, one dude running so fast that his shoes started smoking, Proctor still hanging around being irritating.

When I started reviewing this series I was excited, but while I’m still curious about them, this shit is getting tedious. Like how could something so unfunny keep getting made?

Part 1 - Police Academy (1984)
Part 2 - Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985)
Part 3 - Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986)
Part 4 - Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987)
Part 5 - Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988)
Part 7 - Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (1994)