Thursday, March 7, 2013

VERTICAL LIMIT (2000)

From the writer of PHANTOM OF THE MALL: ERIC'S REVENGE and CUTTHROAT ISLAND comes VERTICAL LIMIT the completely nuts story of a brother who will stop at nothing to save his sister who was trapped by an avalanche with the slimy Bill Paxton.  The opening scene shows just how awesome and relaxed the brother and sister are hanging like a million feet up off the ground with nothing to protect them except their climbing gear and their gigantic balls.  But tragedy strikes and the brother's gigantic climbing balls dry up and wither away.  His sister still has her gigantic climbing balls so she continues to climb all over the joint.  That is until one fateful day when she goes climbing with Bill Paxton and a vicious storm and an avalanche trap them in a crevasse.  Now it's up to brother Chris O'Donnell to lead a nitroglycerin packin' team of badasses up that mountain's ass and save his sister!

On a believability scale of 0 - 10 VERTICAL LIMIT scores somewhere around a zero point zero.  I don't know the first thing about mountain climbing and I don't care to, but I'm pretty goddamn sure that somebody in full gear cannot run and jump like 50 feet face first into a solid rock wall and somehow save himself from falling by ramming two hammer spike things into the wall.  That said, I enjoyed the hell out of this movie cause it was stupid as hell, but somehow still came across as serious.  To me that's pure entertainment.  Plus I like it when Bill Paxton plays an asshole.

Most people will probably dislike this movie, but I got a kick out of it.  Fast pace, dated special effects, annoying as fuck stoner guys, pretty much all male cast, macho climbing talk, reality thrown right of the window, Bill Paxton, that one chick from THE CRAFT.  Recommended for fans of ridiculously stupid action movies.