Saturday, April 6, 2013


Cinematic curiosity thanks to it being the first lead role of Johnny Depp and the see-through topless scene of POLICE ACADEMY's Sgt. Callahan.  Other than that it's pretty lame.  Two young men stay at a private resort for 4 days hoping to get a little action.  They gets some action, but they also get involved with a jewel theft who happens to be after a large diamond that belongs to Depp's female friend's grandmother.  That's right, her grandmother is also staying at the private resort so of course that leads to Depp claiming that he's a doctor.  That lie could've lead to some amusing scenes, but after he says it it's instantly forgotten.  Instead most of the plot revolves around the two guys interaction with the jewel thief: his wife likes them, one of them accidentally cuts his hair, they sneak into his room, he one of them through a women's locker room, when one of them is dressed up like a woman he tries to pick her up, etc.  Really funny stuff.

Badly written story filled with unfunny humor (example: while a psycho is shooting up a restaurant an overweight girl eats all of her friend's food.  Hardy-har-har!), mildly interesting nudity, the resort location is never really laid out, Emily Longstreth looking cute, brain fried punk, 80's fashions, horrible music, awesome cover on the VHS.  Compared to most mid-80's sex comedies PRIVATE RESORT is a little bit below average mainly due to the lack of any standout topless scenes and zero laughs.  There wasn't even any of the "so stupid it's funny" stuff that's in a lot of these movies.  Skip it.
The only smile I got from the entire movie was this guys strut.

Hey, it's ol' girl from EVIL LAUGH.