Monday, January 18, 2016


If somebody were to tell me "The script for YAKUZA APOCALYPSE was based off the mad ramblings of a mentally disabled 5-year-old child."  I'd probably believe it because this movie is absolutely ridiculous!  The story, if it even matters, is about the boss of a small yakuza gang.  He's also a vampire.  One day some vampire hunters(?) kill him and rip his head off. His second-in-charge takes over the gang.  Things get out of control and soon the entire neighborhood is turned into vampires.  That's like the first 70 minutes of the movie and it's pretty boring.  I was actually starting to fall asleep when suddenly some dude in a large green frog costume strolls into town and starts beating the shit out of everybody!!!  Men, women, children...everybody.  It was hilarious.  I was giggling like a little kid with a mental disability.  Then the frog-costumed asskicker went away and I was bored (and sad) again.  The End.

If the filmmakers had any sense they would have just dropped the vampire story and made the entire film about the green frog-costume dude.  Or at least livened up the vampire part a bit, because the frog dude is by far the best part of the movie.  The vampire stuff was super boring.  Slow story with a epic 20-minute section towards the end, average acting, lame final fight scene, Mio Yuki in a school girl outfit, by-the-numbers direction by Takashi Miike (who is capable of so much better), disappointing ending.

Worth watching just for the frog costume guy alone.