Sunday, September 18, 2016



Well, the good news is Mary Elizabeth Winstead didn't get kidnapped by Dr. Heiter from THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE.  The bad news is the guy (John Goodman) she did get kidnapped by is almost as equally insane. Unfortunately for the viewer though, this is a major studio release so naturally it's rated PG-13 and neutered as fuck.

The emasculated fun begins with Mary being run off the road and then waking up shackled in a basement.  I like where this is going!  Soon enough though, the already low amount of suspense drops to nothing when Mary and this other dude simply accept their being held captive by fruitcake Goodman.  You see, according to Goodman, there's been a worldwide disaster and he's "saving their lives" by holding them captive down in his underground bunker.  No television, no internet, no emergency broadcast radio signals, not even a goddamn periscope!  No proof at all (except for one predictable scene with highly convenient timing).  Things proceed in a predictable manner...well, for the entire movie.

Mediocre pace, okay acting, zero mystery, crap ending, zero gore, zero nudity, mild cussing, promising premise that goes nowhere.  I was actually excited when I sat down to watch this film, but as the it dragged on and on and hit every single predictable story point my excitement faded into disappointment.  John Goodman and Mary Elizabeth Winstead both deserve better than this.  Worth a watch, I guess, if you're easily impressed, really bored and have zero imagination.

Same universe - Cloverfield

Is this a reference to "Left 4 Dead"?