Monday, June 18, 2018

DEATH WISH (2018)

Meh.  I think the word "meh" not only accurately summarizes my feelings about this remake of 1974's DEATH WISH, but also my feelings about Eli Roth's entire directorial output.  CABIN FEVER?  It had it's moments. HOSTEL?  Yawn. THE GREEN INFERNO?  Double yawn.

Anyway, after quickly showing Bruce Willis with his picture perfect family and establishing that he's a "pussy", we get to the moment where his family is attacked.  And...it's about as lifeless and non-threatening as you would expect from an Eli Roth joint. After the PG-rated attack scene, ol' Bruce gets good and mad.  So mad that he starts watching online instructional videos about guns and self-defense!  Wow, that's so exciting.  Eventually, he does go out and gets his blast on, but it's completely by-the-numbers and boring.  The End.

Computer-generated blood, illogical story, lifeless photography, "I'm just here to collect a paycheck." acting, weak action scenes, zero nudity, zero thrills, soulless emotional scenes.  Worst of all was the annoying social commentary by the radio DJ's.  That was straight torture to listen to.  It subtracted from the film by even being there.

DEATH WISH (2018) isn't the worst thing in the world, just lame and forgettable.

Monday, June 11, 2018

DOUBLE IMPACT (1991)

While in China, an American businessman and his wife are murdered by some goons employed by his business partner.  Their identical twin boys, both still infants, are separated.  One is raised as an orphan in China and the other is raised by the businessman's bodyguard (Geoffrey Lewis) in Los Angeles.  They both learned karate, but style their hair differently.

Twenty-five years later, the bodyguard and one of the twins return to China, where they quickly discover the other brother.  Together, the three of them (and one of the twin's girlfriend) team up to get revenge on the assholes who murdered their parents.

All in all, DOUBLE IMPACT is a watchable early 90's actioner.  The story moves along at a reasonable pace, the fighting is okay, a couple of titties sneak out, interesting 90's Hong Kong locations, good supporting cast (including Geoffrey Lewis and Bolo Yeung), cheesy special effects etc.

The one thing that did disappoint me though was both of Van Damme's characters liked each other.  I was hoping that they would hate each other.  For example: When the twins get separated at the beginning of the film, I was hoping that the twin left in China would be taken in by the killers and raised to be a ruthless gangster...while the twin taken to America would be raised to be a dork.  Only half of my dream came true.

Worth a watch for action fans, but nothing to get excited about.  If you need me, I'll be in my room watching one of 1991's best action movies: STONE COLD.