True story: Did you know, that in the original script for Short Circuit, Johnny 5 had the line "Stephanie, do not disassemble my cock ring!"? Yeah, that's not even remotely true. I just made that up.
An American robotic laboratory is working on making robots for the military. As the film opens, we see some of the prototype robots being used in a live demonstration for the military. Blowing up vehicles with lasers and stuff like that. Afterward, as the five robots are being moved back into the lab, a lightning bolt strikes one of the robots and brings him to life. Kinda like Frankenstein's monster. But instead of tossing a kid in a lake, Number 5 goes on a sightseeing adventure. He eventually falls off a bridge and into the life of the free-spirited, Stephanie (Ally Sheedy). Stephanie originally thinks that Number 5 is an alien, so she's more than happy to tell him all about life on Earth. Number 5 loves all of this "input" and quickly becomes an expert on stuff like imitating The Three Stooges, making a huge mess while trying to to cook breakfast, disco dancing and falling off the porch. At the same time, while Number 5 is busy perfecting his George Raft impersonation, the security force from the robotics lab (lead by G.W. Bailey) are frantically looking for him...so they can kill him!
SHORT CIRCUIT isn't an all-time 1980's family classic like THE PRINCESS BRIDE, LABYRINTH or BACK TO THE FUTURE, but it's still a fun ride. The entire story is super silly, the pace moves along quickly enough and the old 80's tech is fun to check out. Definitely worth a watch for anybody interested in 1980's Cinema. Recommended.
This is not part of the review, but I am curious what would have happened, if instead of Stephanie being a normal human being, she was some kind of deviant with nothing but old worn out Hustler magazines laying around instead of encyclopedias. Johnny 5 would have ended up a goddamn freak!!! He'd be saying all kinds of nasty shit that don't even make sense and the last word of each sentence would be really, really loud and high-pitched: "Stephanie, you have a big ol' cock I like to kiss, you...BITCH!!!"; "Suck my mechanical dick, Newton Crosby, you...WHORE!!!"; "Stephanie, eat my metal butthole, you...SLUT!!!"; "Newton Crosby, your pussy smells like the floor of a shrimp...BOAT!!!"; "Who da fuck doest thou think thou...ART!!!"; "Somebody please tongue-punch me in my brown...HOLE!!!" "I'm a sailor with the sea air in my...PUSS!!!" You know, stuff like that.
Part 2 - Short Circuit 2 (1988)
