Many people probably don’t realize this (thanks to Obummer and the lamestream
media), but New York City wasn’t always the crime-free paradise that it is
today. No, siree bob. Previous to 1958 there were marijuanas, heroins, curse
words and even gangs that rumbled in the park with machetes, knifes, hammers and
chains (…yet nobody ever seemed to die). Bravely walking into this cesspool of
sin and carnality is “skinny preacher” Pat Boone who ushered in the
current age of peace by simply telling people “Jesus loves you.” (No word yet on
what the other 900,000 New York City preachers were doing between 1624 and
1958.)
It might be due to the brain injury I got from an especially evil goat
kicking me in my handsome brain six hundred threescore-and-six times when I was
a baby lying in a manger, but I thought TCATS (meow) was a good film. It’s
obviously low-budget and the acting isn't that great and the story is goddamn
ridiculous, but as far as entertainment goes...THE CROSS AND THE SWITCHBLADE
fucking delivers! Steady pace, passable acting, vintage cars, interesting
old clothing...including some random dancing dude wearing a shirt with a giant
swastika on it, a fair amount of drug use, police showing up within seconds of
fights breaking out, enjoyably funky music, completely un-PC as fuck ethnic
slurs, zonked out hippies, some dude getting tossed into an open grave,
hilarious dialogue ("...you say you want me to love them honkys? Yeah, man, I'm gonna love
'em. I'm gonna love 'em with a sharp blade!"), multiple references to prostitution, cool old NYC locations.
In the right state of mind, THE CROSS AND THE SWITCHBLADE is a blast. I
loved how arrogant Boone's character was and how pathetic the gangbangers
were. I think I was rolling my eyes and smiling the entire movie.
The only real disappointment I had was the big salvation scene at the end just
wasn't epic or cheesy enough. I was really hoping for an orgy of sinners
having complete mental breakdowns while screaming "Why? Why? Why?"
with a waterfall of tears flowing down their cheeks, but sadly, Boone's big
sermon was weak and the resulting salvations were unconvincing.
Poorly written snarky commentary aside, THE CROSS AND THE SWITCHBLADE is a solid
6 out of 10. The racist language is offensive, but other than that it's
harmless enough and an important historical look at when Christian Cinema moved
away from Biblical epics like THE TEN COMMANDMENTS or BEN-HUR and more into
films carrying the express purpose of communicating a Christian message.
I'd totally be down to watch it again.