Tuesday, May 16, 2023

REMO WILLIAMS: THE ADVENTURE BEGINS (1985)

New York City cop Fred Ward is murdered while on duty and then unmurdered by a secret government agency. He’s given a new face and then shacked up with a crazy dude who beats the crap out of him 24/7, compares him to a clubbed-footed baboon and shoots a gun at him while he does chores. Somehow this eventually trains him to be a badass or something. I don’t know.

True story: I remember being a little girl and excitedly getting my mom to rent REMO WILLIAMS for me when it was still a new release at the video store.  Then later that evening after watching it, I stood up and passionately cried out with the intensity of 1,000 pregnant yaks all giving birth at once, “I hereby declare this movie to be hella unslay!” That was around 1986 and I still stand by that statement.

Medium paced story that never really goes anywhere, boring action scenes, average acting, zero gore, zero nudity, zero blood, zero cheerleaders, corny comedy bullshit that’s not even close to being funny, impressive cast full of familiar faces. I’m sure the filmmakers had their hearts in the right place, but it’s just a dull movie.