COLD TURKEY (1971)

A large cigarette company, looking for some positive publicity, offers 25 million (tax-free) dollars to any town that can have all of its citizens stop smoking for 30 days. The only town to get 100% of its citizens to agree to the challenge, thanks to local preacher Dick Van Dyke, is Eagle Rock, Iowa, population: 4,006.

After a slow start (it’s nearly halfway through the movie before the contest even begins!), things pick up when the nicotine withdraws kick in and everybody starts acting like The Purge is popping off. That short segment was actually funny, minus the dog kicking joke, but the rest of the movie is pure meh. Which probably explains why the movie was filmed in 1969 and not released until 1971.

As it is, COLD TURKEY is amusing enough to keep the viewer engaged, but just barely. A lot of the staying power for me was the impressive supporting cast. It was like a who's who of comedic actors from that era. Sadly though none of it was actually funny, but watching Jean Stapleton sneeze over and over did make me smirk at the absurdity of it.

Vintage fashions, promising story idea that goes nowhere, vintage cars, good acting, a few humorous moments, zero nudity, zero feminist punk bands, zero cheerleaders, illogical contest with nobody really policing the contestants, terrible song over the boring opening credits, depressing ending. Also, for some odd reason, the town square scenes made me daydream about the town square scenes in SILVER BULLET.

I feel like I should say more about the movie, but it was just kind of a nothing movie. Great idea, but poor execution. Somebody could easily make a superior remake. Hell, I think the dullness of it has carried over onto me. This is probably the lamest review I've written in years. If you're looking a good review check out AMERICAN ANTHEM. That was a Happyotter classic! I also like how my update was longer than the review itself. Hahaha. Fucking stupid.

One thing I did find interesting was the shot of Dick Van Dyke walking down the sidewalk when suddenly it cuts to slow-motion and a group of children go running by while wearing Dick Van Dyke masks. The whole thing reminded me of Chris Cunningham's masterpiece video for Aphex Twin's “Come to Daddy” made nearly 30 years later.

REVENGE OF THE NERDS II: NERDS IN PARADISE (1987)

The nerds go to paradise (aka Fort Lauderdale, Florida) to take part in a national fraternity convention. As movie luck would have it, the vast majority of the other frat members are all nerd-hating jocks. (The same story as Part 1.) Even the dude who runs the hotel they have reservations with has an immense hatred of nerds. So, now with their reservations canceled, they’re forced to stay at a skid row murder motel with a monster living in the swimming pool. There’s also a storyline about them getting double-crossed and kicked out of the conference. Honestly, none of it is important, it's all just an excuse to get the nerds in an exotic location filled with sun, booze and girls in bikini's. Sadly though, Nerds 2 doesn't deliver in the nudity department. Which is odd since I think that's what most of the target audience was looking for back in 1987. I know I was! Guess the filmmakers decided the wise thing to do was sink the entire series by going the PG-13 route instead. Kinda like what the POLICE ACADEMY series was doing at the same time.

The basic story idea to the Nerds series has a lot of room for success, but for whatever reason, it feels like the filmmakers of this first sequel lazily cobbled together some callbacks to the original film and a few mildly funny skit ideas then slapped it all together into a movie. There’s no real connection to the original and it definitely doesn’t expand the overall story. If anything, it muddies the waters. For example: the literal opening scene of the film shows Lewis putting a framed picture of Betty in his suitcase, but then later on he’s playing tonsil hockey with a new girl…so, is he with Betty or not?

Meh, whatever. Nerds 2 is a watchable film with a few humorous moments (Booger’s pick-up line at the airport, for example), but the weak script doesn’t give the cast much to work with. Hell, I would have rather seen a film about the Nerds investigating the creature living in the swimming pool instead of the whole Nerds vs. Jocks thing done over again. Maybe have the Jocks team up with the Nerds to figure out a way to get laid more. Fuck, anything would be better than seeing the same lame jokes from the original film.

I have vague memories of the Beastie Boys being involved with promoting this film, but then not actually appearing in the film. I remember (back in 1987) thinking that that was weird. Although, the nerds do perform a Beastie Boys-ish song at a party.

Overall, REVENGE OF THE NERDS II: NERDS IN PARADISE is a watchable 1980's comedy. Definitely watchable for curious first time viewers. I think I'm just jaded since I remember it not being as awesome as I (hopefully) envisioned it to be back in the day. I definitely wasn't sad when I dropped this VHS tape back in the rental return drop-off. Although, I do vividly remember one sunny afternoon around this time period walking up to the drop-off slot while my mom waited in the car and some high school-age kid come rolling up in a Chevy truck with "(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (To Party!)" playing at at least 300 decibels. I was like, "Fuuuuuucccck, I'll never be that cool!"

Oh yeah, here's the disappointing tit scenes you were looking for.

P.S. Granny Sez Surf or Die.

Part 1 - Revenge of the Nerds (1984)
Part 3 - Revenge of the Nerds III: The Next Generation (1992)
Part 4 - Revenge of the Nerds IV: Nerds in Love (1994)