PLUS ONE AT AN AMISH WEDDING was fascinating to me in many ways. First off, why was this movie even made? Is there an audience for films with literally zero ups or downs? Was it was extremely bland and predictable and safe on purpose? What is this sub-genre even called? What could the budget on something like this even be? Do they not care about people staring at the camera or glaring continuity errors? Is this some kind of niche (safe) movie genre for extremely depressed people? And most importantly: where can I find more films like this?!
PLUS ONE AT AN AMISH WEDDING is not “so bad, it’s good”, it’s more like “so bland, it’s fucking impossible to turn away”. Pretty scenery, shockingly bland and predictable story, one dude with a confusing beard that I couldn’t tell if it was real or fake, multiple different levels of acting ability, a cute dog, a goat penis, good chemistry between the two leads, more than one person overacting (but maybe that was on purpose?), an almost bottomless well of reasons to yell at your TV (I had so much material that I had to watch the movie twice, just to get all my jokes in), nowhere near enough Amish stuff going on, a picture on a phone that doesn’t match at all with what was really taken (dude, even the wall's on the other side!).
But the one thing that drove me completely nuts and I could not get over was the info at the beginning of the movie where it said they’d been dating for “six months”, but yet April doesn’t know anything about Jesse. That shit drove me up the fucking wall. That info was 100% unneeded and literally fucked the entire story up, cause what the fuck have these motherfuckers been talking about for the last 182 days? Instead, have them meet at the beginning of the film and while they’re getting to know each other, the fact that he was raised Amish comes up. Keep it simple, stupid. Hell, you're already writing the most spiritless shit known to man so might as well water it down even more.
That said, I'm fucking hooked on this tripe and I need some more! And I'm not making any suggestions, buuuuut...Gay Plus One at an Amish Wedding does have a certain ring to it. Just sayin'. As does Fifth-Wave Feminist Hardcore Punk Singer Plus One at an Amish Wedding. Plus One at an Amish Human Centipide Wedding?
[Update 06/20/2025: Oh yeah, I forgot...there was a scene where April wakes up in the morning and immediately takes a drink of water out of an open glass. That icked me out! Like who knows what's been going on in that glass all night. Probably dust falling in it or spiders having a full-blown soup kitchen orgy, maybe a gnat launched a gturd up in there. Who knows!]
