THE WOMAN IN BLACK (2012)

Do you like earth-shattering booms that'll shake your speakers right off the wall? You like high-piercing screeches so loud that it'll make dogs two counties over soil themselves? How about jump scenes so goddamn startling that it'll make the cat sleeping in your lap jump up and rip your face off ? If you answered "Yes." to any of those questions then do I have the movie for you! It's called THE WOMAN IN BLACK and it's about a young lawyer sent out to a secluded estate to clear up the paperwork/will of a woman who just died. Bad News Bears for him though because the house is haunted!

At first, it's just random sounds that could be attributed to the wind or maybe birds, but soon enough things escalate to eardrum exploding crashes that sound like somebody detonated an nuclear bomb in your backyard. Alternate that with scenes of crusty phantoms standing around looking sinister and you pretty much have the entire movie. I liked the first 20 - 30 minutes, it had a nice build-up, the house looked creepy and a sympathetic character was created out of the widowed Daniel Ratcliffe, but once the ghosts started showing up there was nothing. Just boom, shriek, jump scene and repeat until end credits.

Worth watching, I guess, if you're easily amused and don't mind the sound of the Space Shuttle coming through your wall every five minutes. If you need me I'll be in my room watching THE SHINING.

Part 2 - The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death (2014)

THE DEBT (2010)

In 1966, three spies (two males, one female) were sent undercover into East Berlin to hunt down and kidnap an infamous Nazi war criminal. Naturally, being young and sexy the three spies cannot resist their primal urges to knock boots. This lack of discipline ends up screwing up their entire mission, so they do the next best thing and just lie about it. Hell, I could do that! Did I ever tell you about how back when I was a spy in Vietnam I accidentally found Hitler alive and teaching sign language at a school for limbless blind children? Just to be safe, I C4'ed the school and the entire village surrounding it then time-traveled to 7955 and moved to Io where I now "time-blog" back to the early 2000's. True story. Anyway, back to the movie: in 1997 word comes out that the Nazi dude is still alive so Helen Mirren (the older version of the 1966 spy) has to locate and kill him in order to pay her "debt".

Ehh, interesting story, but the jumping from 1966 to 1997 back and forth nonstop was uncalled for and irritating. I would rather just see the story from beginning to end. I think all of the jumping stuff was just the filmmakers trying to cover up the fact there was only like 45 minutes worth of actual story in this 113 minute movie. Another thing that confused my simple little brain was the two guys back in 1966, I had a hard time figuring out which was which. They looked a lot a like and neither resembled their 1997 versions. I finally figured it out, but even then it was still distracting. Of the three, I guess, the female was suppose to be the character the viewer sympathized with, but she came off almost like an emotionless robot.

Oh well, OK film with an interesting story, just badly executed. I would like to see what somebody else could do with the same story. Worth watching, but don't expect anything life changing or really anything you'll even remember in three months time. As for me, I will never watch it ever again.  I have much better things to do in good ol' 7955.  Like watch BACK TO THE FUTURE!

PERSUASION (1995)

I've never read the Jane Austin novel of the same name, but I might have to. I enjoy naturalistic romantic novels written in the 1800's, but many of them seem to be so goddamn depressing (I'm looking directly at you "Jude the Obscure") that I tend to shy away from them. Real life is depressing enough. But the story in PERSUASION seems a little different in that from early on in the movie I could tell that the man (Frederick Wentworth) and the woman (Anne Elliot) were going to get together it's just a matter of aligning everything just right, which of course means there's going to be a bunch of slight glances and gently deliberate brushing of fingers and such. Which is the best part of these kinds of movies! That and the manners and verbal dueling.

Before the movie, when she was 19, Anne Elliot fell in love with a young sailor. He was broke as fuck and not of a noble birth so Anne was convinced to break off the romance. Now (the beginning of the movie) eight years later the family is on financially hard times and forced to rent out their estate and move to the resort town of Bath. The new tenant is an Admiral and one of his Captains happens to be Frederick Wentworth, the man Anne fell in love with years ago and has secretly been in love with ever since! All kinds of stuff happens, but the main question is: Will their secret romance be rekindled?

Excellent quiet performances by everybody, especially the two leads Amanda Root and Ciaran Hinds. They make a good couple. At the beginning of the film Amanda looks pretty damn homely, but as the film progresses she subtlety gets prettier and prettier. Ciaran Hinds is always great. I've never seen a movie or a TV show where he wasn't great. If you like romantic period piece then check it out. The story is simple, but sometimes that's all you need.